Dear student housemate,

I’m sorry that whenever I clean the bathroom that we share, I purposefully spray a little of each cleaning product onto your shower pouffe and flannel. Given that you do absolutely nothing all around our house except watch TV, leave rubbish and dirty dishes everywhere and leave your delightful skid marks in the toilet that I have the misfortune of sharing with you, it gives me a small petty sense of satisfaction. As does occasionally pulling faces and sticking two fingers up at your closed door when I go past.

- Cinderella without the benefits of a Fairy Godmother

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