Dear Boyfriend,

Sorry that, on the night we got together, in the process of drunkenly trying to sleep with you I sort of crushed your nuts. It takes a considerably manly man to continue getting naked with a chick after that. If I could remember what the flip happened after that, or indeed that it happened, I’d be even sorrier than I am now. Thanks for making it past the six month mark, actually.

- your girlfriend

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