I’m sorry that you are 5’2″, overweight and mid-fifties but still think you can hit on 5’9″ twentysomethings. Sorry I never responded to your advances and compliments. You made me feel incredibly awkward. Sorry you overheard me talking shit about your crappy restaurant. And especially, seriously sorry for the unemployment and sexual harassment case you’re about to have to deal with. Sometimes karma can’t come fast enough.

- anonymous

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