Srsly sorry that I forced that impossibly large, round, and extremely lumpy poop out of you last night. It started coming out, then just kinda got stuck. It was too late to suck it back in, thus the 10 minutes of gripping the toilet seat and bearing down hard enough to break a sweat and draw some blood. Srsly sorry that today you’ve felt like you’ve been anally probed by a 12 inch penis. Too bad I’m not into that, or I probably wouldn’t be apologizing right now. Srsly sorry for the trauma, I’ll start eating better so it hopefully doesn’t happen again.