Mom and Dad,

Seriously sorry I spent the first two years of college getting paid for sex by creepy old guys I found online. I needed the spending money, and hey, I used some of the money to pay off my loans! Thank you for going so far into debt for my degree….in “education.” I promise I’ll be a fantastic teacher! I learned a lot about finances and how to avoid paying taxes. ┬áSrsly sorry, but at least I got a 4.0!!

- your kind of whorish daughter

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