Dear Police Man,

Thanks for not arresting me the other night.  Truth is, I really was pretty darn drunk, but a mouthful of trident and some eyedrops fooled you somehow.  I don’t want to be self-demeaning, but I’m not even that attractive, as far as hot girls go, so I don’t know how I got off the hook so easily.  It won’t happen again (eh…maybe). Srsly sorry.

- the drunk girl driving home

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