Dear old Roomy,

Srsly sorry about the oddly placed stains all over the couch in the living room. You were out of town, and I brought a boy home. It was hot, drunk sex, and we didn’t have time to make it into the bedroom.  Yeah, turns out I get a little “extra” moist sometimes and all those stains were from me.  Boy was it awkward when you pointed the stains out to me.

- your old roomy (you know who)

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