Dear Girlfriend,

I’ve let it slide for too long, but I’m afraid I can’t hook up with you anymore until you do something about the random long hairs growing near your belly button and around your nipples.  I simply can’t bear to be sucking or kissing your chest and wind up feeling a long coarse hair on my tongue anymore.  It is gross.  Does this happen with every girl? I mean, I love you, but seriously, you must notice these things.  If only I could figure out a way to bring this up to you.  Until then, srsly sorry, but I will be avoiding those places, or you will be keeping your shirt on during sex…

- H.L.

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