Dear Girlfriend from Highschool,

This is a two parter.  First, to your parents, sorry we hooked up on their bed.  Second, to you on the same night, sorry that after I spent like 30 minutes rubbing up on you and getting you off, you just decided to be tired and let me suffer with my poor blue balls. Then when I say “at least get me there too” you freak out and get all pissed off.  I guess girls don’t like to hear the truth, but I worked hard to get you off, and fair is fair, so I was expecting a return on my investment.  Sorry for expecting my hard work to be rewarded, I mean really, fair is fair.

- Jacob

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