Dear Girlfriend from Highschool,
This is a two parter. First, to your parents, sorry we hooked up on their bed. Second, to you on the same night, sorry that after I spent like 30 minutes rubbing up on you and getting you off, you just decided to be tired and let me suffer with my poor blue balls. Then when I say “at least get me there too” you freak out and get all pissed off. I guess girls don’t like to hear the truth, but I worked hard to get you off, and fair is fair, so I was expecting a return on my investment. Sorry for expecting my hard work to be rewarded, I mean really, fair is fair.