Dear Samwise,
I am so sorry I didn’t tell you in the Shire, but I lust for your impish body and always have. When we finish our quest to return this over-sized cockring to that throbbing volcano, do you think that we can go on a cruise together? Perhaps, to the north where they will have sea-food? I do love me a nice shrimp buffet.

- Love always, Frodo

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