ex-girl  (whichever one will read this first),
I’m sorry that the entire time we could be considered dating there was another girl back “home.”  I’m sorry that she constantly sent me titty pictures, sexy voice mails, saucy texts, and strange packages.  I’m sorry when you two found out about each other that I was drunk enough to believe I could convince you the other was my cousin.  Shits kinda beat up, my bad.

- orangebear

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