Don’t be pissed at me because your dog cannot hold his liquor! All I gave him was four whiskey soaked slices of bread, and he proceeds to puke all over your room. Really, really weak stuff man. Sorry your dog is a lightweight. He’s three years old! That’s 21 in dog years.
I’m sorry I said your anus was like the Bat Cave last halloween. But seriously, you are gay and you were dressed like a flamboyant Batman. The only thing that could have made the situation any gayer, is if you or your dog were dressed as Robin.
- Swollen Member
I’m not sorry about having sex with you in the bay at midnight– that was awesome. However, I am sorry that box jellyfish got wedged between my boner and your vag. If it makes you feel any better, my unit now looks like an overcooked hot dog.
- Love, Carson
I left you locked in my apartment all day yesterday. 18 straight hours. Sorry that you are a dog. Sorry you don’t have opposable thumbs.
I woke up spooning your dog, on your back porch…. Sorry to your dog?
- an a-hole
Dear random runner on 6th street,
My dog took a dump, I didn’t have a bag and I didn’t know what to do. You ran by, tragedy struck. I bolted from the scene. I’m an a-hole.
- Jerry P
I am sorry that I called you a manatee/ sea cow in seventh grade. You already knew that you were overweight and surely did not need me comparing your relative girth to that of a huge, water-dwelling mammal. It was fucked up. Middle school is hard enough without me ruining your life. Hope your self-esteem has recovered.