Sorry for reeking uncontrollably whilst sweaty.

- Your Balls

Dear Nutsack,

Srsly sorry that I tried to do the impossible and shave you the other day.  I hope all the nicks and cuts heal up soon!

- nuttyanonomous

Dear Girlfriend,

Srsly sorry that summer is creeping in.  I mean, summer’s great and all, but I know in the back of your mind all you think about is that fact that you have to deal with my super sweaty summer balls again.  Don’t worry, my dry and sweet smelling winter balls will be back again someday.

- anonymous

Dear My boyfriends Balls,
Cosmo gave me a few tips on how to pleasure you, some tips I bet you’d really like. But, I’m srsly sorry cuz I just can’t get over the idea of your moist, hairy, veiny, brainy looking bits anywhere near me. I may be the only only straight girl ever with a ball-phobia.

- The girl

Dear big bro,

Sorry about that time when we were kids, and you were trying to be tough, telling me to punch you in your rock-hard abs, but my aim was off.  I swung as hard as I could, and connected straight on with your balls.  You crumpled like aluminum foil in a microwave.  I hope you can still have kids some day!

- Madison

Dear GF,

I am srsly sorry but, your request can’t happen. Trust me, I’ve tried before, and cleanly shaving a ball-sac is simply impossible.

- BF

Dear Boyfriend,

Sorry that, on the night we got together, in the process of drunkenly trying to sleep with you I sort of crushed your nuts. It takes a considerably manly man to continue getting naked with a chick after that. If I could remember what the flip happened after that, or indeed that it happened, I’d be even sorrier than I am now. Thanks for making it past the six month mark, actually.

- your girlfriend

Dear Housemate,

I hope you know he uses that razor on his balls…..seriously sorry you keep borrowing it to shave your face.

- your best mates girlfriend

Dear best friend,

Srsly sorry that you are dating an old man, and probably fondling his wrinkly old balls.  It srsly grosses me out, but at least you have a sugar daddy for now.

- the best friend

Dear Vaginas,
Sorry you go and start bleeding every month. That must suck.

- Balls and Penis

Brandon,

So sorry I kicked you in the balls at the airport before our 8th grade trip to DC.  With my steel-toed Docs.  I had a crush on you at the time, and obviously had no other way of expressing myself.  I guess annihilating your sack wasn’t the way to go.  Oh, and Preston – you too.

- Andrea

The girls of Tri-Delta,

Sorry you found me passed out naked in your chapter room.  Really sorry that it was ‘parents weekend’ and you were giving the big tour.

- anonymous

Mrs. Julian,

I showed off my nuts the entire semester – literally – by way of free-balling in my short shorts. I thought you’d get bang out of that. Srsly sorry?

- Berns

Jonathan,

Sorry but I don’t like your balls, they are unkempt and mis-shapen.  That’s why I never touch them when we hook-up.  Try some upkeep, and I will consider it. Manscaping…not optional.

- madison

Dear gas station employee on 7th street,  Austin TX,

Im sorry your life blows, but you don’t have to ridicule my boyfriend for buying “snug fit” condoms.  I like it better anyways,  you suck.

- Anonymous