Dear girlfriend,

Srsly sorry I farted when you shoved your tongue up my a**hole mid-blowjob…. It felt great, but I was just too surprised to contain the fart.

- your flatulent boyfriend

Dear Mel,

You can’t give a man head, and also ask him to tell you when he’s gonna cum so you can bail out.  Like my dad always said, if you’re gonna do something, do it right.  Anyways, I think you over-reacted, but srsly sorry for not warning you and blowing my load in your mouth.

- Jeffrey

Rob,

Sorry I got a hummer in the backseat of your car from that asian girl without your knowledge while you drove us back from the cities.  That car had to see some action somehow.  You’re welcome, and sorry.

- Aaron

Dear Boyfriend,

You wanted me to tell you to come over to my place to find me wet and naked from my shower, and all hot and bothered, and all ready for you.  Sorry but, selfishly, you haven’t touched me in any way for weeks now, while you’ve gotten countless bj’s.  Sorry I told you that I was going to do it, didn’t, and you got blue balls. Srsly sorry, sweetums.

- Emily

Evan,
I got a blowski from your ex fiance.  In my defense, you were the one that initially broke off the engagement.  Also, I was in on HELL of a drought.  I want to believe that, had you known, you would be cool with me, your best friend, catching a hummer from your ex.  That being said, I am sorry that I hope you never, ever find out.

- James R

Jeanelle,

I’m sorry I asked you to “Gogurt” my dick after the BJ you gave me last night.  I thought you would be cool with that.

- BW

To all the kids in the Galaxy theater, Dallas TX, at Finding Nemo in 2003,

While you were enjoying a classic family film, I was getting a BJ in the back row.  Sorta messed up, sorta awesome, sorta sorry.

- Charles K

Dave,

Thanks for the expensive dinner last night.  Unfortunately, expensive dinners only buy BJ’s for attractive guys.  Srry :(

- Mary Anne