Dear random hookup,
Seriously sorry that I freaked out when we were in your car making out and I made you take me home. It creeped me out because you introduced me to your boner waaaaaaay too fast. You also used too much teeth when you kissed me and I felt like you were scraping the skin off my upper lip

- anonymous

Dear Car Boners,

I miss you.  Why don’t you come around anymore?  I am sorry that I didn’t take advantage of you when I could have…

- backseat allstar

Dear Penis,
Srsly sorry you are immature. You become a boner at the slightest touch of a girl. It’s embarrassing, grow up.

- Anonyboy

Srsly Sorry Penis, I’ve abused you for far too long. I’ve been rubbing you raw, and I never use hand lotion. Wish I could say I will be giving you a nice, warm, moist place to hang out in soon, but it’s just not that easy. Srsly sorry.

- anonyman

Dear Step-sister,
Sorry that I got a big boner when we were playing connect four. I was like 13, and at that age boners come and go when they please. Srsly sorry that you got the wrong idea, and ran and told on me to your dad. Yeah, that was embarrassing.

- Jonathan Klein

Dear Greg,

Sorry I called you out and forced you to do the “stand-up test” in front of that whole party last year.  You were sitting and flirting with Melanie, and I saw a little something going on in your pants.  As you recall, I got all the guys to start chanting “stand-up-test”. Anyways, srsly sorry I embarrassed the hell out of you and made you stand up with a raging boner.

- Kyle

Sarah,

I’m sorry about the accidental-anal incident that happened the last time we were f*&^ing. However, I think you enjoyed it really

- Lee

Dear Walt,

We slipped in a bunch of penises and boners throughout the films like you asked.  Sorry we couldn’t fit more, we just thought some of your suggestions were way too obvious.

- DISNEY ANIMATORS

Chrissy,
I’m sorry that I woke you up by putting my boner in your hand.  I thought you would be into it.

- Jason

Bryan,

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you it was my time of the month before we hooked up.  I was really horny, and I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal.  Personally, I think you’re being kinda a pussy about the whole thing, but ok, sorry I intentionally chili-dogged you.

- Anonymous

To all the kids in the Galaxy theater, Dallas TX, at Finding Nemo in 2003,

While you were enjoying a classic family film, I was getting a BJ in the back row.  Sorta messed up, sorta awesome, sorta sorry.

- Charles K

Mrs. Rossham from 7th grade history,

diligent boners – that’s all I got from you and your world history class.  srsly not that sorry.

- Bernardo Velasquez