Dear Brittany,
Seriously not sorry I’ve been f*cking your boyfriend/baby daddy for the last two years. Seriously not sorry its not gonna stop anytime soon. But mostly sorry, for real, that you choose to live in the delusional world where it’s all my fault. Way to believe a cheater!

- -R

I’m sorry I cheated on you in the 7th grade. Who could have guessed you’d turn out to be so hot now that were older.

- G.H.

Dear Angus,
I’m sorry you thought you had me in the palm of your hand and broke my heart… but I cheated on you 2 months into seeing each other, well before you saw the end of us.

- Over you

I’m sorry that I ‘outed’ you to your friends and family, and told them you have no gag reflex. But you shouldn’t have cheated on me when both my mother and my oldest son were in the hospital—my mom was in intensive care!

- Bemused Ex-Wife

Dear Patrick,

Seriously sorry I will never return another text/call from you. You have cheated on several of my friends and yet continue to try to convince me that we would be a good match. Your F’ing kidding right. And sorry that I am afraid to be alone in the same room as you because you don’t know he meaning of personal space. Goodbye!

- M

Dear Ex-girlfriend,

Your argument for f%$#ing some other dude was “I was born this way.” Sorry but, there is no such thing as being born a slut.

- J

Dear Ex-husband,
I would like to apologize for vandalizing your car by carving the word “Adulterer” on the hood. I was highly distraught when you had come back from a year long tour in Iraq and you told me you were leaving me. But when I found out that you were leaving me for another woman, who you got pregnant while in Iraq, I lost my mind and took it out on your vehicle. I honestly think I got the short end of the stick though since I was the one who ended up paying for it. I spent time in jail, got 2 years probation & have to pay you $4000 in restitution… I think you can get over the fact of what I did now. But I can’t lie when I say if felt good to know you had to drive to work with your car like that.

- Your Ex-Wife of Ten Years

Dear random Dutch guy,
I know we didn’t mean to get ridiculously drunk and horny, and I’m seriously sorry you then cheated on your girlfriend. I was visiting a friend and he warned me you were taken, but when you leaned in to kiss me I wasn’t able to stop you, I mean I was leaving the next day! It just isn’t humanly possible to resist temptation to that extent. But yeah: srsly sorry.

- the Girl from Luxembourg