Dear ghetto people,

I’m seriously sorry that when you run from the cops I get caught up around your ankles, forcing you to run and hold me up at the same time, or worse falling down and getting caught. Give me a break. I can’t help it if I slow you down, cost too much, and look like a guy’s version of capri pants. Hey at least you look cool wearing me right?

- Your Ghetto Pants

Dear American Apparel,

Your ads give me boners, but boners don’t cause me to buy overpriced, plain, boring clothing.  Srsly sorry.

- anonymous

Dear White Undershirts,

Sorry that you only last a few weeks in my closet, before I throw you out because the pit stains are too bad. I happen to have some sweaty ass pits, I mean, it’s clinical.  Bet you wish you got bought by some pretty girl, not a sweaty hairy dude like me. Srsly sorry.

- anony-pits

Dear boots,
You increase my height, my sex appeal (way!) and cost slightly too much. Seriously sorry I don’t wear you more often, but you do continuously rape my feet with unbearable ferocity. Sorry.

- Claire

Dear Society,

Srsly sorry for the clothing I make.  BUT, ladies, you should be thanking me for making it so easy to spot the douche-bags.

- Ed Hardy

Dear Best Friend from lower school,

Srsly sorry, but the first time you invited me to your house, I had an upset stomach, and when I went to use your toilet, you didnt have any toilet roll. So.. I kinda rummaged through your laundry basket and used a sock to wipe. That’s kinda sorta the reason I bailed out of your house so early. Srsly sorry.

- you now ex-best friend

Dear Justin,

Apparently, I hurt your feelings the other night when I said you were wearing your “douche-bag uniform.” Srsly sorry, I didn’t think guys who only wear Ed Hardy and Affliction tees were so sensitive.

- amanda

Dear Panties,

Sorry that I let you slip so easily. It’s just more fun that way. Sorry that I have an unfair double-standard to deal with, but why should guys get to have all the fun?

- horny girl

Dear Roommates Friend,

I stole your “Street-Sharks” watch after making fun of you for it. Street Sharks were f*#%ing cool.

- anonymous

Dear Parents,
Seriously sorry for already losing one of the gloves you got me for Christmas. Believe me, no one is more sorry than I am, as I already lost one of the last pair and my right hand is tired of being so frightfully cold.

- Isabella

Dear Girlfriend,

I’m really sorry for what happened during sex last night. You were so enthusiastic that it slipped, and it was dark so next thing you know I was accidentally in the wrong hole. I promise I’ll take you to that Louis Vuitton store once you can walk right…

- Adolph

Dear Shelby,
I never meant to finish in your eyes when you were giving me that HJ. I can see now that laughing probably wasn’t the appropriate response, but c’mon, what a ridiculous shot! You stole my sweater when you left, call it even? Sorry.

- Rob


Thanks for letting me borrow your designer jeans.  Sorry that nature came calling that night, and I got ‘you know what’ all over your favorite jeans.  I still owe you a pair of jeans, sorry about that.

- miss 'forgot her tampax'

Dear St. Ed’s boys,
The only trendy boy at this school is the unicycle kid.   That kid rocks.  Sorry to burst your bubble skateboard boy.

- Ingrid

Dear Shaun,

I have had your blue and white polo oxford for the past three years.  It is my favorite shirt. Sorry I lied and sorry that you will never get it back.  It’s called adverse possession. Google it.

- Trey