- your pal Evan
Last semester one morning I woke up in your tub, there was throw up on the ground near the toilet. I assume it was mine. I was way too hungover and sore from sleeping in a tub to clean it, so I just got up and stumbled home. Srsly sorry.
Srsly sorry that you told me you loved me while we were having sex, three weeks into our casual dating spree. Sorry that my response was to whisper something in-audible in your ear, quietly get up, go to the bathroom, and silently finish the job there. Sorry that I told you I didn’t know what to say, and left. And sorry that I never took you out again, but c’mon, three weeks into a college relationship…. that’s a bit crazy.
- 1900 Wood Street
Srsly sorry about the 7 large holes in the wall, the shattered door on bedroom #3, the broken dishwasher and disposal, the ruined carpet, the shattered tiles, and the glow in the dark paint all over the place. I can tell you right now, that we will not be getting any of our deposit back, and that’s ok with us. This is what happens when you rent to sophomores in college.
- a totally liberated college girl
Dear Freshmen 15,
Fine, you got me, you win. I never thought it would happen to me, but I just looked at a picture of myself from high school, and 15 pounds really does make a difference. Srsly sorry boys, but I’m too drunk to care about a little bit of pudge. I have an inkling that you feel the same way.
Dear College Library,
Sorry that I had a weird fascination with masturbating in public places my freshmen year, and you were my favorite spot. I used you for your semi-clean bathroom stalls, I fess up!
- your kind of whorish daughter
Mom and Dad,
Seriously sorry I spent the first two years of college getting paid for sex by creepy old guys I found online. I needed the spending money, and hey, I used some of the money to pay off my loans! Thank you for going so far into debt for my degree….in “education.” I promise I’ll be a fantastic teacher! I learned a lot about finances and how to avoid paying taxes. Srsly sorry, but at least I got a 4.0!!
Sorry that we are not in college anymore. You simply can’t get wasted, wear beer case hats, and hit on my mom (although she kinda liked it).
- brother klein
Sorry I fell and took out the stilts of the platform holding our ‘six-shooter ice luge.’ Sorry that it tumbled and shattered. I guess that’s what happens when you take a shot of different colored liquor off every run of the luge. Damn pledges should have built a sturdier platform. Srsly Sorry.
Sorry I had to go. I miss you.
Dear college roommies,
I thought it would be funny to drop an upper decker in the upstairs toilet, and and it was hilarious. What was not that hilarious was that the top half of the toilet couldn’t handle my weight, it cracked, and proceeded to slowly leak sh*t water through the floor and drip from the ceiling onto the living room couch. Whoa. Srsly Sorry. Still hilarious.
Srsly sorry for what you found when I called you over about the heating problem. I honestly do not know how a bag full of Wendy’s burgers, fries, and a spilled frosty made it’s way into the already cramped air ducts, but this is college, so anything can happen.
- college boys
Dear Goodie Goodie College Girls,
The deal is we provide the kegs and fun-punch, and you proceed to be hot, drunk, and slutty. Srsly sorry, but you are not welcome here innocent good-girls. I’d love to date one of you after college though!
Dear Random Girl that Seduced Me,
I was way drunk, and so we started to hook up. About half way through I realized the error of my ways, said I had to use the bathroom, and bailed! Srsly sorry, but when the drunkness wore off, the beer goggles did too, and hooking up with a girl like you requires some thick beer goggles!
- Pledging Time
Sorry but, when your right you’re wrong, and when you’re wrong, you’re screwed.