Dear Girl I found in my bed on Spring Break,
I was wasted, I got into a bed, you were there already. It was spring break, and it was dark in the room. We made out and fondled each other, and when I woke up in the morning you were gone. I don’t even know who you are. Srsly Sorry for infiltrating your bed, but I think you liked it.
- Delt house
Dear Kappa Sig house,
Srsly Sorry, but you started this prank war. Please enjoy the terribly awful smell consuming your entire frat house. Good luck finding the dead, decaying skunk that is stuffed up in one of your many a/c vents.
Dear brothers of Pi Kapp,
Sorry that I got us kicked out of the country club for life after getting really drunk, stealing a golf cart, and driving it into the lake. I blame the party committee for having Formal at a golf course, this was bound to happen.
As I sit in class, a guy next to me is sneaking drinks of malt-liquor from his backpack. Thanks community college! Srsly sorry to my future.
Dear Girl I took on a few dates and hooked up with last semester,
Srsly sorry that I will not be seeing you again, because after the condom broke, you weren’t worried at all, and you told me you would just “take a plan B when you got home, because you had a few left.” Sorry but, I don’t think I want a relationship with a girl who stocks up on plan B.
- Chris Canberott
I’m sorry that I took nothing away from you except a larger gut, some amazing stories, and one STD (but it was treatable!). It was basically like four years at summer camp, but add a ton of sex and beer. I was just there to buy a degree anyways.
- your roommates
Sorry we filled your hot-pocket with hot sauce, and put it back in the package. I am honestly proud of the care and detail we took with the packaging, I mean, you had no idea. Srsly though, sorry we set your sensitive little taste buds on fire, and ruined your lunch.
Dear mind and body,
Srsly sorry that finals start tomorrow. You will soon be running on 1-2 hours of sleep for the next three days, and trying to sqeeze every bit of useless information that you will never need again onto a notecard. Also, if you don’t ace that math final, you will fail the class. No pressure there…. P.S. You’ve also got your period. Have fun worrying if you’re bleeding through during those two hours you aren’t allowed to leave the room. Good tiems. Gooooood tiemsss….
- everyone in college
Dear Final Exams,
I am srsly srry, but I srsly hate you. The way you make me remember all the way back to the beginning of the semester? The way you make me and my friends stay in ON A SATURDAY?! Finals, come on, I could have been srsly drunk that night, but I wasn’t. I was “studying”. And by that, I mean “facebooking”. Srsly though, no one likes you…srry.
- the dumb kid who fell in the fire
It was bad a idea to balance on the stones around the fire pit, especially 7 Keystones in. Sorry forearm and lower back skin, you’ve been replaced with burns and pus.
- Senior in College
Dear Exhausted Self,
I know you’re at your breaking point and you still have to do a million assignments, but the internet is just so distracting. Seriously Sorry! One day we’ll go on vacation and you can recover… probably not though, I’ll just continue to abuse you with alcohol and more sleep deprivation instead…
- Miss E
Dear Arts and Sciences Students,
Yes, I am an Education major. No, that does not mean I color in coloring books for homework or babysit children during classes.. I am srsly sorry that I only have 3 classes a week and 4 day weekends every weekend. I am also srsly srry that you work “so hard” doing your assignments for your “difficult” classes, and that you have 5 finals, when I don’t have any! Also, while I’m at it, srsly sorry that I will likely have a career 8 years before you will (because a you’ll need more than just a bachelor’s degree to get a job). Oh yeah! I’m also srsly sorry that I’ll have a way happier and more interesting life than you will, including paid summers! After you give up on your 8 years of school, you’re probably just going to settle for a low-wage cubicle job anyways. Come to think of it. I don’t think I’m that sorry…
- Your sweet student
Dear my college professor,
Sorry for making you believe you were amazing at sex, thanks for the great notes though.
Srsly sorry for throwing a dart through your thumb, srsly, all the way through. It was amazing. In my defense, I was throwing bulls eyes all night until I dared you to put your hand up on the board, around the bulls eye. In hindsight, dart boards, college, beers, and thumbs always equals injuries.
- the sand man
Dear Girl from Spring Break who’s name I can’t remember,
Sorry about getting sand in your vagina when we hooked up on the beach. You said it hurt, but the water was just way too cold to get into. Anyways, way to stick it out. You were a champ.