Ashley,

Remember that night a few years ago when we went outside and I stripped you in front of your boyfriend and my boyfriend. I was really drunk and thought it was hilarious, you were terrified.  Sorry.

- Liz

Freshman dude at K-Sig party,

Sorry for tricking you into taking a shot of my dip spit.  It was hilarious, but admittedly messed up.  It does look a lot like Yager.

- jerry c

Brandon,

Don’t be pissed at me because your dog cannot hold his liquor!  All I gave him was four whiskey soaked slices of bread, and he proceeds to puke all over your room.  Really, really weak stuff man.  Sorry your dog is a lightweight.  He’s three years old!  That’s 21 in dog years.

- Jay

Brothers,

Sorry I stole the keg from our own party.  I had the after-party in mind, but I was wasted, and it was only 10 o’clock.  I passed out, and woke up on my front lawn at 4 in the morning spooning the keg, and wishing it were a girl.  Story of my life.

- justin v

The girls of Tri-Delta,

Sorry you found me passed out naked in your chapter room.  Really sorry that it was ‘parents weekend’ and you were giving the big tour.

- anonymous

Dear college roommate,
Sorry my ringtone was the polyphonic version on Fallout Boy’s “Sugar We’re Going Down” for an entire year. That must have f*cking sucked.

- lacey

Madeline,

When we hooked up at the end of last semester, that was more of a “goodbye” sex sort of thing, not a “you should terminate your transfer from UVA, re-enroll and be with me” sort of thing.  Sorry, but I really wish you hadn’t re-enrolled.

- anonymous

AJ,

You hug me too much and for too long.  It’s uncomfortable.  Lets just keep it to handshakes dude.

- your friend chad

Dear St. Ed’s boys,
The only trendy boy at this school is the unicycle kid.   That kid rocks.  Sorry to burst your bubble skateboard boy.

- Ingrid

Dear residents of small house in the country outside of Lewisville – Halloween 2005,
If you happened to look outside around 2 am, I am sorry for what you saw.  A giant ladybug having drunk sex with a sexy Gumby on your front lawn is no site for honest church going folks that I imagine you are.  Happy Halloween.  Srsly sorry.

- the Giant Ladybug

Hey Paul,
Sorry I filled your beer bong with KD whiskey and four loco without you knowing it.  I’ve never seen anyone projectile vomit that far, you ought to be proud.

- Trent

Kristin,

Sorry for whatever I said when I was blacked out last night.  You seem pissed.

- James B

I woke up with two slices of pepperoni pizza in my purse.  Im really sorry that I messed up my purse, but I will never apologize for college.

- Jennifer S