To Mikey’s little sister,

Sorry that I stole your trophy and gave it to a homeless man. I was drunk, and I wanted the homeless man to harness the power of the force through your gymnastics trophy.  Not sure how that works, but I think he did it.   Sorry for making you cry.

- Jacob

Dear Kimbap store in Samsandong,
I’m sorry I drank over a hundred thousand won worth of Jagermeister and then threw it all up over your bathroom floor. Jagermeister is my one sworn enemy and on this particular night he got the best of me. Damn you Jagermeister, damn you.

- Typical Waygookin

Dear Fellow Traveler from Australia,

We were sharing a hostel in Amsterdam last year. You were asleep, I was wasted, and I needed more money for some continued international debauchery. I never thought of myself as a stealing man, but that night I stole 50 Euros from your locker.  Not sure if this makes you feel better or worse, but I went straight to the red-light district and spent that 50 on hookers and weed.  Sorry, but at least it went to a good cause.

- anonymous

Dear alcohol,

Sorry for ever not trusting you. You are awesome.

- a drunk

Dear Mom,

Sorry for spending all your money at the bars but, by God, someone has to stimulate the economy.

- BZ

Dear Liver,

Sorry for this past summer, you’re a f^%#ing champ though!

- Lary

Dear Stop-n-Go on 5th,

Sorry the check bounced.  I had it feeling it would, but dammit, getting beer was way important than being fiscally responsible.  You probably shouldn’t accept checks for $12 anyways.

- anonymous

Dear Tri-Delta girls,

Sorry about the mystery martini’s last night.  Turns out every liquor in the fridge mixed with Hi-C and some olive juice was a bad call.  I think I saw at least 7 of you puking out back.  Srsly sorry.

- phi delt dude

Dear Kristen,

It was week two of college, we were drunk at a party out in the country, and I thought you were hot.  Soon enough we were out back, stripping down behind a tree.  The tree wasn’t enough cover so we went behind a shed.  The combination of alcohol, college, nipple rings (nice touch btw), the outdoors, and HJ’s got us too excited to realize what that little itch was.  Anyways, sorry about the next day when you no doubt thought I gave you some crazy STD.  I thought the same about you until I realized it was poison ivy… poison ivy everywhere.  Great story, but I’m sorry about that terribly located itch.

- anonymous

Ashley,

Remember that night a few years ago when we went outside and I stripped you in front of your boyfriend and my boyfriend. I was really drunk and thought it was hilarious, you were terrified.  Sorry.

- Liz

Freshman dude at K-Sig party,

Sorry for tricking you into taking a shot of my dip spit.  It was hilarious, but admittedly messed up.  It does look a lot like Yager.

- jerry c

Brandon,

Don’t be pissed at me because your dog cannot hold his liquor!  All I gave him was four whiskey soaked slices of bread, and he proceeds to puke all over your room.  Really, really weak stuff man.  Sorry your dog is a lightweight.  He’s three years old!  That’s 21 in dog years.

- Jay

Nikkie,
Sorry I had sex with you, then went upstairs and had sex with my little brothers friend, then went back and had sex with you again, then made you take us to my job at 3 in the morning so my “boyfriend” could make us food. Wow,  zannys are a crazy drug.  Sorry that I don’t remember half of it.

- Morgan

Brothers,

Sorry I stole the keg from our own party.  I had the after-party in mind, but I was wasted, and it was only 10 o’clock.  I passed out, and woke up on my front lawn at 4 in the morning spooning the keg, and wishing it were a girl.  Story of my life.

- justin v

Dear Kenny,
I am srsly sorry that I literally punched you in the throat and sh*t on your shirt last Friday. Vodka, gratuitous amounts of coke, and Dane Cook do not mix well…

- anonymous