Dude,

I woke up spooning your dog, on your back porch….  Sorry to your dog?

- Jarron

Dear Resident of 10th street,

I stole your Shinerbock Cooler.  Sorry… that cooler is too fucking awesome for me not to own.

- Anonymous

John,

I got really drunk and hardboiled your last four eggs and then ate the aforementioned eggs while I watched your premium cable.  When I woke up on your couch, there were two broken dinner plates on the floor.  I threw the shards away and denied any and all egg eating/plate breaking.  Sorry I am a drunken bastard.

- Chris L