Seriously sorry about the next few days when your going to be over milked due to me buying so much of it. It’s always been my dream to bathe/swim in milk and dunk cookies in there and eat them. Most of it will be wasted so yeah….. get your udders ready.
- Conan lover
Dear Conan O’Brien,
Sorry if you find this weird, but I fantasize about your lanky body and sexy red hair whenever me and my boyfriend have sex. Srsly, I want you.
I’m seriously sorry for fantasizing being f*%#ed by James Franco and not you while we have sex. And sorry but, no, I’ve never had an orgasm with you.
Dear Madame French Teacher,
I’m sorry I haven’t learned anything in your class. Every time I look at you, all I can think about is bending you over my desk. Even though you’re over 40. And you’re married. And I’m a girl…
Sorry I peed on your rug. It really tied the room together.
- The Monster-Under-the-Bed
Sorry I scared you. I only hide under your bed because it’s warm & snug. Srsly, I don’t mean to frighten you and I try not to snore, but I can’t really help it due to my nasal congestion. I’m sorry about all your missing socks; it’s just they’re very tasty, especially when they haven’t been washed for a few days. They go quite well with dust bunnies & dried parsley. I try to go to the toilet when you’re asleep, but I know you’ve woken up a couple of times and seen me – soz. Anyway, I quite like it under your bed, so I’ll be here a while. Love and kisses.
- the Giant Ladybug
Dear residents of small house in the country outside of Lewisville – Halloween 2005,
If you happened to look outside around 2 am, I am sorry for what you saw. A giant ladybug having drunk sex with a sexy Gumby on your front lawn is no site for honest church going folks that I imagine you are. Happy Halloween. Srsly sorry.
I fantasize about Smurfette. Sorry Papa Smurf.