Dear cows,
Seriously sorry about the next few days when your going to be over milked due to me buying so much of it. It’s always been my dream to bathe/swim in milk and dunk cookies in there and eat them. Most of it will be wasted so yeah….. get your udders ready.

- Ivy

Dear Conan O’Brien,

Sorry if you find this weird, but I fantasize about your lanky body and sexy red hair whenever me and my boyfriend have sex.  Srsly, I want you.

- Conan lover

Dear boyfriend,
I’m seriously sorry for fantasizing being f*%#ed by James Franco and not you while we have sex. And sorry but, no, I’ve never had an orgasm with you.

- Zee

Dear Madame French Teacher,
I’m sorry I haven’t learned anything in your class. Every time I look at you, all I can think about is bending you over my desk. Even though you’re over 40. And you’re married. And I’m a girl…

- anonymous

Sorry I peed on your rug.  It really tied the room together.

- Woo

Sorry I scared you. I only hide under your bed because it’s warm & snug.  Srsly, I don’t mean to frighten you and I try not to snore, but I can’t really help it due to my nasal congestion. I’m sorry about all your missing socks; it’s just they’re very tasty, especially when they haven’t been washed for a few days. They go quite well with dust bunnies & dried parsley.  I try to go to the toilet when you’re asleep, but I know you’ve woken up a couple of times and seen me – soz.  Anyway, I quite like it under your bed, so I’ll be here a while.  Love and kisses.

- The Monster-Under-the-Bed

Dear residents of small house in the country outside of Lewisville – Halloween 2005,
If you happened to look outside around 2 am, I am sorry for what you saw.  A giant ladybug having drunk sex with a sexy Gumby on your front lawn is no site for honest church going folks that I imagine you are.  Happy Halloween.  Srsly sorry.

- the Giant Ladybug

I fantasize about Smurfette.  Sorry Papa Smurf.

- Anonymous


Sorry I fucked with you these last seven years.  Broke your nose.  Tried to Avada Kedavra you.  This list seems endless.  I had a lot of teen angst.  Hope you understand!  :) Sincerely yours.

- Draco