- Pooter JonesDear significant other,
I’m seriously sorry for farting while we were laying in bed the other day, and then pulling the covers over your head so you could bask in the ambience of my biff. So seriously sorry…
- big brother
Dear little bro,
Sorry that I used to pin you down and fart on your head.
Last night, I was laying on my side and my butt was on your leg. I needed to fart really bad but I was too tired to move. So, out of sheer laziness, I bombed your leg at point blank range while bare-assed. Sorry babe, ferreals.
- your flatulent boyfriend
Srsly sorry I farted when you shoved your tongue up my a**hole mid-blowjob…. It felt great, but I was just too surprised to contain the fart.
- sensitive nosed girlfriend
Dear bloated BF,
Srsly sorry that I snuck a bottle of gas-x into your bathroom drawer. I figured that way you would get the point, and I wouldn’t have to openly call you out for farting during sex every time. Love ya.
- your grossed out husband
Srsly sorry, but, just because we’re married now doesn’t make farting on me cool. For the last time, I don’t want to play fart tag with you.
The reason you don’t get to be the little spoon is because you fart in your sleep. Srsly sorry, but no little spoon for you.
- I hope you don't remember my name
Sorry that I accidentally farted while we were having sex the other night. I know you heard it because I saw your surprised face, but you didn’t say anything which only made it worse. I have feeling this is gonna be a one-night-stand only.
- the chick who farted
Dear Dude from Boxing,
Seriously sorry that when that tiny fart slipped out during sit ups, I kind of blamed it on you. The girl next to me said in a shocked and disgusted voice: “oh my god, that guy just farted!” And all I could do to save myself was answer: “nooo, really?!” …blame society that it seems to be more publicly accepted for men to let loose than girls?
- the guy
Srsly sorry that I farted on our first date. You have no idea how terrifying it is when you have to take a dump and you are one on one with a pretty girl.
Dear Girl on the Treadmill Next To Me,
Seriously sorry I let that horrendous fart slip while you were running next to me. It was really really bad, but it was an accident! I didn’t know what to do, so I finished the mile and bolted!
I like the way you feel, if you didn’t smell so bad, we could be friends. Srsly sorry.
- Jeremy M
Dear friends in the tent, camping last summer,
The dutch oven scenario was an accident. I tried to fart silently, but the smell was overpowering. Then in chaos trying to get out of the tent we jammed up the zipper! Srsly Sorry I accidentally trapped us all in there, bathing in that awful stench. And sorry I farted again right after that. It slipped.
- Anonymous in Tulsa
I’m sorry I farted under the covers and didn’t tell you until you started dry-heaving. Srsly.