Halley,
I sharted in my pants at your house. I’m sorry I put it in your Grandma’s dirty clothes without doing anything to it. I was embarrassed.

- Madison

Helen,

I thought we had reached a good farting point.  Turns out, you weren’t ready for me to disclose audible farts.  srsly sorry.

- Paul M

Tiff,

Last night, you farted on me when you were sleeping.  I’m sorry about that, because I’m not really attracted to you anymore, it sux.

- Darren