- The Monster-Under-the-Bed
Sorry I scared you. I only hide under your bed because it’s warm & snug. Srsly, I don’t mean to frighten you and I try not to snore, but I can’t really help it due to my nasal congestion. I’m sorry about all your missing socks; it’s just they’re very tasty, especially when they haven’t been washed for a few days. They go quite well with dust bunnies & dried parsley. I try to go to the toilet when you’re asleep, but I know you’ve woken up a couple of times and seen me – soz. Anyway, I quite like it under your bed, so I’ll be here a while. Love and kisses.
Dear dead mouse under my desk where I rest my feet that I did not see,
I’m sorry for rolling your body around for about 2 hours before finding you. Your smooth soft body made me mistake you for a sock, but it was obvious that you were not a sock when I stuck my toe in your dead mouth.
- Swollen Member
I’m not sorry about having sex with you in the bay at midnight– that was awesome. However, I am sorry that box jellyfish got wedged between my boner and your vag. If it makes you feel any better, my unit now looks like an overcooked hot dog.
- KERMIT the FROG
Lets be honest, you’re a pudgy face, and I’m a star. If there’s one rule I stick to, it’s NO FATTIES. It will never happen, srry.
Dear hot Australian I met in Spain,
When you asked me if I wanted to “experience you” you should have mentioned that I was also going to experience Chlamydia. Please say sorry (in a sexy Australian accent).
- DISNEY ANIMATORS
We slipped in a bunch of penises and boners throughout the films like you asked. Sorry we couldn’t fit more, we just thought some of your suggestions were way too obvious.
- New Me
Dear Old Me,
I know you’ve got high hopes and everything, but it might be a good idea to just put those away and start getting accustomed to dollar menus and internet porn. The real world sucks.
- James R
I got a blowski from your ex fiance. In my defense, you were the one that initially broke off the engagement. Also, I was in on HELL of a drought. I want to believe that, had you known, you would be cool with me, your best friend, catching a hummer from your ex. That being said, I am sorry that I hope you never, ever find out.
- Dave E
Sorry I gave your colorblind child a rubiks cube for his birthday. My bad.
- Chris P
Dear Johnny Dansizer from 6th grade, Rittman OH,
I’m the one who put poop in your pillowcase at that sleep over in 6th grade. It was my poop. srsly srry.
- Charles K
To all the kids in the Galaxy theater, Dallas TX, at Finding Nemo in 2003,
While you were enjoying a classic family film, I was getting a BJ in the back row. Sorta messed up, sorta awesome, sorta sorry.
- Brandon K
Sorry I put a home-made poop spread in your nutella jar, and then made you a bagel. Looking back, I think I crossed the line with that one. But really, how did you not smell it before biting?