Miss Piggy,

Lets be honest, you’re a pudgy face, and I’m a star.  If there’s one rule I stick to, it’s NO FATTIES.  It will never happen, srry.


Dear Walt,

We slipped in a bunch of penises and boners throughout the films like you asked.  Sorry we couldn’t fit more, we just thought some of your suggestions were way too obvious.


Dear Jon Stewart,

Sorry about our little mix up.  Let’s grab a knish and put this behind us.  Oh, you forgot your wallet… ahem.  jew.  ahem… no, no, I didn’t say that, I said “phew!”  We’ll just put it on the CNN account, they own all the knish bakeries in NYC anyways… Right?

- Rick Sanchez


Sorry I fucked with you these last seven years.  Broke your nose.  Tried to Avada Kedavra you.  This list seems endless.  I had a lot of teen angst.  Hope you understand!  :) Sincerely yours.

- Draco