Sorry for pulling on your hair every time were close in bed and cuddling, and constantly breaking the sweet tenderness of the mood. But that’s what you get for pinning me down and popping my pimples (thou I enjoy the attention).
- Unsatisfied, Soon-to-be-Single Girl
To my boyfriend,
I’m sorry I’ve seriously been considering breaking up with you. But srsly…I’m tired of being a virgin. Tired of waiting for marriage. And even though we don’t have sex…YOU STILL DON’T WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME? Really. All I want is a nice cuddle at night. No hanky panky. Sorry you don’t have any balls and are still worried about what your mother would think. YOU’RE TWENTY DAMN YEARS OLD! GROW A PAIR AND MOVE OUT!
- your loving wife-to-be
Dear future hubby,
Remember that folder on your external hard drive with all the naughty pics of all the women you’ve ever dated? The one you explicitly told me not to look in? I looked through it the next day while you were at work. Sorry but, you will be deleting it, now that we’re going to get married and all.
- Ex BF
Dear my Ex GF,
Sorry for imagining I was pounding your cute roommate every time we had sex during the last 4 months of our relationship. I came close once, but at least I never let her name slip out. I should have dated her instead.
Sorry for your ex cheating on you. No offense, but I’d cheat on you too. You smell bad, and you have more of a moustache than he does.
ex-girl (whichever one will read this first),
I’m sorry that the entire time we could be considered dating there was another girl back “home.” I’m sorry that she constantly sent me titty pictures, sexy voice mails, saucy texts, and strange packages. I’m sorry when you two found out about each other that I was drunk enough to believe I could convince you the other was my cousin. Shits kinda beat up, my bad.
- Your Roommates Girlfriend
Dear my boyfriend’s roomate,
Not that sorry that I invited your “girlfriend” over to the house when you were cheating on her that night, you’re kind of a moron. I intend to take her out next weekend and introduce her to my really awesome and hot best friend. I hope you get the clap.
- horny girlfriend
I would like to apologize in advance for any actions that may take place this weekend on the bachelorette trip I am taking, but seriously…we haven’t had sex in two months, and we LIVE together. Maybe soon you’ll get your “groove” back…
You wanted me to tell you to come over to my place to find me wet and naked from my shower, and all hot and bothered, and all ready for you. Sorry but, selfishly, you haven’t touched me in any way for weeks now, while you’ve gotten countless bj’s. Sorry I told you that I was going to do it, didn’t, and you got blue balls. Srsly sorry, sweetums.
- Hot Cheerleader
Dear innocent bible study girl,
Sorry I stole your boyfriend in the 9th grade Jenny. You were nice. But seriously…I was way hotter.
Dear amazing and awesome boyfriend,
I’m sorry that I had sex with another dude because I wasn’t getting any from you. I love you, but I’m a girl who just wants to f*%#.