Dear Nasa,

Seriously sorry that you died… we all miss you.

- to infinity and beyond...

Dear Muslims,

Now that I’m dead, I just wanted to get this apology out there.  I am srsly sorry that I gave you all a bad name with my extremest views and teachings. So, yah, I preyed on the impoverished and feeble minded to build an army of religious fanatics who would die at my command, all following the radical version of jihad I created from which I had no formal education in whatsoever.  Yeah, my bad. Now none of you can go outside, or wear traditional garb, or especially ride in an airplane, in the western world without receiving uneasy stares and general suspicions from everyone near you.  I guess part of me never thought anyone would actually listen to what I had to say, after all, it was pretty crazy.

- Osama Bin Laden

Dear World,

Living without me must be hard.  Sorry.

- John Candy

Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Srsly sorry but, when I said I would give you 40 virgins when you died, I didn’t mention why they were virgins. If you are wondering why you are now surrounded by 40 fat, ugly, and nagging virgins in the afterlife, it’s because you are in Hell, you mass murdering asshole.


Dear American People,

Sorry it took me so long to get you my birth certificate, I was a little busy, oh ya know, killing Osama Bin Laden.

- President Obama

Dear Al Queada,
That is all.

- proud americans

Dear Japan,

Srsly sorry about the destruction and the cancer.

- The Tsunami

Dear Skeeter,

Sorry that we’re all inadvertent racists, and instead of just making you the black kid, we made you blue instead.

- Doug Funny

Dear Adam and Eve,

Sorry that I created that whole garden situation, just so you guys could mess it all up.  I mean, I am omniscient , so I knew you’d screw it up, because I know everything. Sorry to play with your heads like that, but hey, Adam, at least you got to see Eve naked.


Dear Abe,

Sorry I never gave you my autograph.

- John Wilkes Booth

Dear Dinosaurs,

My bad.

- The Asteroid

Dear King George III,

F%$# off.

- the Founding Fathers

Dear Romeo,

Sorry I didn’t tell you about my terrible yeast infection. It’s just that we don’t get to wash up that often in these times. You didn’t seem to mind, but srsly sorry anyways.

- Juliet

Dear New Orleans,

So… sorry that our crappy levees made your city flood after a CAT 5 storm. Oh wait, it was a Cat 3?… Oh… But come on, there was only so much we could do with paper-mache and popsicle sticks. Srsly, though, sorry.

- The Army Corps of Engineers

Dear New Orleans,

Why you decided to build an entire city under sea level, I’ll never know… So, I guess this is long over due, and I guess I’m sorry? But I mean, I’m a hurricane, I was just being me. Oops.

- Hurricane Katrina