Dear family, Christmas 1989,
I was a just a happy, excited 7 year old on Christmas morning. Srsly Sorry that I got too excited after I got that sweet ‘teenage mutant ninja turtles; sewer set’ and ran into the tree, and accidentally tipped it over on Grandma.

- Chris T

Dear Emily L*****,
Sorry that you’re a HO HO HO! …and sorry that you gave me syphilis MERRY CHRISTMAS!

- Matt

Dear Girl dressed as Superman,

Not everyone can pull off the sexy costume, especially when you’re 40 lbs overweight.  I think you made a terrible mistake when you bought that childrens’ sized superman costume, and cut it up to fit you.  Everyone at the bar paid the price for that one.

- Dude in downtown Dallas