Dear roommates, from two years ago summer,
Sorry I was too drunk to realize that the girl I was hitting on was actually a hooker. I should’ve know by the slutty outfit, the fact that we met outside the bar on a street corner, and her readiness to get in a cab with me. Sorry I brought her home, let her go down on me, and then refused to pay her anything. Lastly, sorry she flipped out and broke the flat-screen on her way out the door.
Dear Fellow Traveler from Australia,
We were sharing a hostel in Amsterdam last year. You were asleep, I was wasted, and I needed more money for some continued international debauchery. I never thought of myself as a stealing man, but that night I stole 50 Euros from your locker. Not sure if this makes you feel better or worse, but I went straight to the red-light district and spent that 50 on hookers and weed. Sorry, but at least it went to a good cause.
You were feeling sad, so, like the good friend that I am, I sent a hooker over to your place. Seriously sorry not only for the fact you had to pay for it, or the fact that your fiance was home, but for the fact that you didn’t get any.
Dear Irina and Alina,
I thought y’all were dimes at the strip club. Y’all’s Russian culture turned me on. We got really close but I stopped calling after I realized y’alls vaginas smelled worse than spoiled tuna fish. I can never look at y’all the same way and it’s my fault for exploring your “Russian Culture.”
- Erich E
To the NM Crew,
I’m sorry I brought that hooker up to the room in Vegas and got all our shit stolen. She wasn’t even even one of those hot vegas hookers. I guess that’s what you get when all you have to offer is 15 bucks and a line of coke.