Remember that night we hooked up sophomore year? Remember waking up in the morning in a wet yellow puddle on my bed, and me blaming it on you? You ran out crying, super embarrassed, and I haven’t seen you since. Well, what really happened was that I pissed the bed, and I woke up before you, switched positions with you, then blamed it all on you. Sorry, but I got a kick out of that.
Sorry I cock-blocked you last night. Everyone knows you don’t really have herpes.
- Brandon M
I‘m sorry I texted you that I wanted to “do you in the a** like I did last weekend at Johnny B’s party.” I promise to never date anyone with the same name as you ever again.
- Terry R
Sorry about my “mis-step” last night, but, frankly, you care about your Egyptian cotton sheets way too much.
- jerry c
Spring Break Girl, I think from Alabama, but maybe not.
I ran out on you after we hooked up, that was a given. It was spring break. I told you I would call you, but I didn’t. Of course I wasn’t gonna call. I stole a bottle of vodka when I ran out. That’s sorta messed up. But I’m not really sorry about any of it, except I am kinda sorry that I may have given you crabs. That sucks.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you it was my time of the month before we hooked up. I was really horny, and I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. Personally, I think you’re being kinda a pussy about the whole thing, but ok, sorry I intentionally chili-dogged you.
Dear gas station employee on 7th street, Austin TX,
Im sorry your life blows, but you don’t have to ridicule my boyfriend for buying “snug fit” condoms. I like it better anyways, you suck.
- Ginny K
I thought blue balls was a myth. Srsly srry.
I think you over-reacted, but I’m sorry about going for your “other hole” without talking about it first.
I fantasize about Smurfette. Sorry Papa Smurf.
I’m sorry I asked you to “Gogurt” my dick after the BJ you gave me last night. I thought you would be cool with that.
- Charles K
To all the kids in the Galaxy theater, Dallas TX, at Finding Nemo in 2003,
While you were enjoying a classic family film, I was getting a BJ in the back row. Sorta messed up, sorta awesome, sorta sorry.
Last night, you farted on me when you were sleeping. I’m sorry about that, because I’m not really attracted to you anymore, it sux.