Dear Rich,
Srsly sorry that every time we shower together I pee when your eyes are closed, while you are washing your hair. Can’t wait for the wedding!

- your fiance

Dear Brandon,

We were best friends as kids, so we had a ton of sleep-overs, and I think it’s time I fess up to what happened one of those nights.  Usual boys sleepover consisted of watching a movie then maybe prank calling a girl or two, which we did.  Well, we drank a ton of soda and then went to bed.  I must have woken up in a weird sleep stupor, having to pee really bad, and I went into the bathroom and started peeing.  Somehow I forgot to lift the lid and I pissed all over the place, the wall, the floor, everywhere.  Guess what happens next, there was no TP or paper towels or anything, and being a kid, half-asleep in someone elses house, I didn’t even think to venture to the kitchen to find some.  So, I grabbed the nearest thing which was your bath towel, and cleaned up all the piss, then put the towel back on the rack.  I think I thought no one would notice.  Anyways, I left early the next day, and never mentioned it.  I don’t know what the aftermath was, but I hope you didn’t accidentally use that towel.

- Greg G

Dear Brandon Mauldin,

Srsly sorry about that time in the 6th grade that we all peed a little in a sunkist, then gave it to you and watched you drink it, laughing the whole time.  You kept asking what we were laughing about, then you noticed that your soft-drink was a bit off.  At that point we were rolling on the ground laughing.  You got so upset you started crying.  Srsly sorry, kids can be such dicks sometimes.

- Kevin G. and co.

Justin R.,

I took a piss in your gas tank in highschool. I honestly don’t know if that messed your truck up or not, but you were a serious prick and deserved it.  Still, srsly sorry.

- anonymous


About that time I peed on you when we were kids. I had climbed way up in a tree, I had to pee, and you walked underneath at the wrong time. I wondered if I could hit you from that far up. Turns out that I could. Sorry about that.

- Mark

Dear Body Minut’ Tanning Boutique ,

I knew I had to pee sooo badly but entered anyway. Please understand I really wanted to try the tanning bed. I’m sorry I didn’t ask for the toilets. I’m sorry I peed in the tanning bed. I’m sorry I fled the crime scene after failing to clean it.  And I’m sorry my tan was splotchy and terrible.  However, don’t worry, I’ll never come back.

- not so tanned

Dear Damp Undies,
Yeah, I peed on the seat when I was in a rush.  I assumed your Mom taught you to wipe the seat before you sat.  Muh bad…

- I.P. Freely


Remember that night we hooked up sophomore year?  Remember waking up in the morning in a wet yellow puddle on my bed, and me blaming it on you?  You ran out crying, super embarrassed, and I haven’t seen you since.  Well, what really happened was that I pissed the bed, and I woke up before you, switched positions with you, then blamed it all on you.  Sorry, but I got a kick out of that.

- anonymous