Corona Cruise Kid,
After I found you passed out  in the hall and helped you get back to your room,  I took a dump and threw it in your bunk bed, but seriously you deserved it, not that sorry. I knew you were making fun of me the entire cruise.

- Moleman

Shaun,
Sorry we almost killed you by getting us all stranded in the middle of the Caribbean Ocean on a $20 raft.   Peer pressuring you onto the raft, joking about eating you first, then making fun of you the rest of the trip was not that cool in retrospect.  At least the rescue crew didn’t think we were gay when they found three half-naked grown men straddling each other in a miniature sinking raft…

- Kyle and Rob

Hey Paul,
Sorry I filled your beer bong with KD whiskey and four loco without you knowing it.  I’ve never seen anyone projectile vomit that far, you ought to be proud.

- Trent

Dear freshman year roommate,
Sorry I threw silly putty in your bed while you slept and then didn’t say anything when you thought you crapped the bed. And still didn’t say anything as you shamefully threw away your sheets.

- anonymous

Denise,
I secretly made an audio recording of your orgasm, then ‘auto-tuned’ it, and I have been using it as my ring tone for the last two weeks.  It’s awesome.

- Kev

Dear Johnny Dansizer from 6th grade, Rittman OH,

I’m the one who put poop in your pillowcase at that sleep over in 6th grade.  It was my poop.  srsly srry.

- Chris P

Jay,

Sorry I put a home-made poop spread in your nutella jar, and then made you a bagel.  Looking back, I think I crossed the line with that one.  But really, how did you not smell it before biting?

- Brandon K

Dear homeless man in Albuquerque NM, circa 2003,

I’m sorry me and friends drove up that one night and pelted you with eggs.  We were assholes to the max.

- Shaun