- brad and chris
Sorry we all used to poke fun as kids. It’s gotta be tough being “that kid”, but I’d blame your awkward family tree. Genetics simply weren’t kind to you.
Can you please apologise about your moustache? It is positively hideous!!
- Your BRAIN
Sorry that you’re a f*&%ing idiot. Thanks again for drinking 12 natty lights, 6 whiskey shots, and some sugary sh*t on top of all that. Yah, I feel awesome today, reeaaaaal great. 12 advil couldn’t fix this epic hangover. You suck.
Super sorry for forgetting to lock the door at your pool party in 9th grade. You said I could change in your room, and I really wish you hadn’t walked in to see me naked, tossing your teddy bear up and down. Things were never the same between us.
- Kyle and Rob
Sorry we almost killed you by getting us all stranded in the middle of the Caribbean Ocean on a $20 raft. Peer pressuring you onto the raft, joking about eating you first, then making fun of you the rest of the trip was not that cool in retrospect. At least the rescue crew didn’t think we were gay when they found three half-naked grown men straddling each other in a miniature sinking raft…
- Reese Styles
Dear Homely Girl in highschool, I think your name was Kendra,
I’m sorry that I shattered your self-esteem by pointing out your receding hairline in the 10th grade… ouch, really, I’m sorry. Hope you’ve worked that hairline thing out.
- New Me
Dear Old Me,
I know you’ve got high hopes and everything, but it might be a good idea to just put those away and start getting accustomed to dollar menus and internet porn. The real world sucks.
- Your friend Jay
Sorry I said you looked like Roseanne Barr circa 1989. But honestly, you need to work out.
Dear gas station employee on 7th street, Austin TX,
Im sorry your life blows, but you don’t have to ridicule my boyfriend for buying “snug fit” condoms. I like it better anyways, you suck.
- Jerry P
I am sorry that I called you a manatee/ sea cow in seventh grade. You already knew that you were overweight and surely did not need me comparing your relative girth to that of a huge, water-dwelling mammal. It was fucked up. Middle school is hard enough without me ruining your life. Hope your self-esteem has recovered.