Dear Rebecca, my fiance,
I am seriously sorry that I have fantasized about your mom when we have sex. To all the men reading this, if you can’t fantasize about your wife’s mom, you’re in trouble. That’s what she’s gonna look like some day.
- the Dog
Sorry if you think it’s weird that I sit and stare at you when you have sex. I’ve got nothing else to do, and I find it quite interesting.
- Ideal Daughter
Seriously sorry I shamed various parts of our house with inappropriate sex. No one was home, inebriation had set in and all of a sudden, the table, the living room and stairs got caught up in the act of sex. I did however, remove the table cloth first and wipe the table the day after. Seems fair?
- I hope you don't remember my name
Sorry that I accidentally farted while we were having sex the other night. I know you heard it because I saw your surprised face, but you didn’t say anything which only made it worse. I have feeling this is gonna be a one-night-stand only.
- your violated boyfriend
I’m srsly sorry, but when you get your next period, we are through. I think you’ve grown a little too attached to me, which was apparent when you iron-woman gripped my ass when we were having sex and forced me to cum inside. Srsly? I honestly wasn’t expecting that one.
Dear Sandy Vag,
Sorry that I had sex on the beach, and now I think you may have some turtle eggs nested up in there. Srsly though, sand and vaginas do not mix.
- horny girl
Sorry that I lied about being on birth control, I was just really horny and you wouldn’t do it otherwise. Oopsy!
Sorry that I replaced all your condoms with water-balloons. I just thought it’d be funny, how was I to know you would bring a guy home that night. Srsly sorry if he actually tried to use one.
- your love
Dear Lion Guy,
Srsly sorry I strapped a condom onto your erection & rode you while you slept peacefully Saturday morning. Sure you got scared at first & screamed like a girl, but we both had the greatest orgasms ever…. Round two?
The first time I ever had sex was in the back-seat of your car at 16 years old. Srsly sorry, but thanks for trusting me with the keys!
Srsly sorry I let that d-bag and his tiny penis anywhere near you. I had a few too many, and the more drinks I had the less douchebaggy his Ed Hardy shirt became. It won’t happen again, I swear!
I think I ruined our relationship by asking for anal sex, but I didn’t know that so many things could go so wrong with it. Now we can barely even look at each other. Srsly sorry.
Dear Random Girl that was clearly looking for some action,
You tractor-beamed in on me at the end of the night, and it was clear as to what you wanted. Srsly Sorry that I got your hopes up when I took you home, came inside, and got naked, but then nothing happened. I couldn’t help that I was struck by whiskey-d*ck, but I think it might have saved me from an STD or worse. So, thank you whiskey-d*ck!
- Effed Either Way
Dear more than an eff-buddy,
Srsly sorry I didn’t come back when I said I would the other night. I like having sex with you, you like having sex with me, and things have never been easier than they are when we’re alone together, but the thing is that you’re seriously bad for me. You’ve unintentionally effed me over emotionally more than you’ve effed me in general, and that means we’re doing this eff-buddy thing wrong.
I’m sorry after the fifth time we broke up I told everyone about your “fetishes”, yeah I mean the poop fetish, the pee fetish, the foot fetish, the armpit fetish. Oh and Im also sorry I told them about how you wanted me to get your G-spot (in your a**) and how you drank my piss. Totally really sorry.. but hey, it’s true.