- your vagina
You better go get tested, something’s not quite right down here. Srsly sorry.
Srsly sorry that I gave you a the clap… you were the only one.
- your son
Dear Mom and Dad,
Srsly sorry but that emergency $50 I asked for wasn’t so I could buy a tie for the job interview, it was for my STD exam. Guess what, I’ll be needing to buy a few more ties to pay for the meds.
- your asshole pals
Srsly sorry that we made fun of you for having the clap on your facebook wall. Your friends are a**holes, but you knew that. Also sorry that you are friends on facebook with your mom, and she called you up to talk about it… awkward. That’s why you never friend your parents or bosses on facebook, bad move dude, bad move.
Dear Girlfriend, eh-hem, Ex-Girlfriend,
We were immediately attracted to each other, and it was awesome. Then you required me to get tested. Srsly sorry about the results.
- the infected
Dear Little Crabs,
Sorry that I must cut your stay short, but your incessant itching and general lack of hygiene has made my crotch an even less desirable place to visit than West Texas. Here comes the special shampoo, you better abandon your posts now…
Srsly sorry that my obnoxious undies keep wedging up in your crack and have been painfully rubbing against that friggin’ genital herpe all damn day.
- Cody and Kevin
Sorry that we, your more sober friends that night, didn’t warn you not to hook up with that nasty girl. She was a “dick-hunter” and you were drunk as shit. Srsly though, we feel bad about not stopping you now that you have the herp.
Dear slut who slept with my boyfriend in Yellowstone a few summers ago,
Srsly sorry for mailing you that anonymous STD card telling you that you might have HIV. I lied. But I still hope it scares the hell out of you. =)
Dear Rumples (the dog),
So, I let you keep your balls, and you went and sexed up some neighborhood bitches, and now you have a doggie STD. I didn’t even know they existed. Sorry that your meals will now be cut in half to pay for your doggie shots.
I am seriously sorry that I was intoxicated almost everyday for about four months, that I had a lot of promiscuous, unprotected sex under the influence, and that I put my health in such a great risk. And I’m also sorry for all the $$$ about to be spent on treatment. Consequences can be a bitch. But hey, at least I have some great stories to tell.
Dear Girl I hooked up with last weekend,
Just got your bitchy message, and no, I don’t have herpes. I get an occasional pimple downstairs, that’s all. So sorry but, because you’re being a bitch, I’m not gonna call you back so that you can worry about it for a few days.
- "immature" Tassie Chick
Srsly, if you are going to pretend I don’t exist, think about it before telling your ‘real friends’ about your crabs in front of me. Way to arm your enemy! Sorry for what I intend to do with that information…