Dear Old Homeless Man, who lives in the creek behind our house,

Srsly sorry that me and my friends stole your cart full of sh*t that one summer. We didn’t need your cans and blankets, we were just a-holes.

- Nick K

Dear Roommates Friend,

I stole your “Street-Sharks” watch after making fun of you for it. Street Sharks were f*#%ing cool.

- anonymous

Dear Young People in America,

Sorry bout all this worrisome financial stuff, but you all like to work, right?  I mean, like, when you get old?  Oh, phew, I thought you’d be mad about the fact that the nations financial future is f*^#ed, and you all had nothing to do with it. I mean, social security is lame anyways!  You’d have to be poor to want that!

- BANKERS of america

Dear Fellow Traveler from Australia,

We were sharing a hostel in Amsterdam last year. You were asleep, I was wasted, and I needed more money for some continued international debauchery. I never thought of myself as a stealing man, but that night I stole 50 Euros from your locker.  Not sure if this makes you feel better or worse, but I went straight to the red-light district and spent that 50 on hookers and weed.  Sorry, but at least it went to a good cause.

- anonymous

Dear Roommate,
Sorry I used your vibrator on several occasions when you would stay the night at your boyfriend’s… yours just works so much better than mine. It’s not cool, my bad…

- Horny Roommate


Sorry I stole the keg from our own party.  I had the after-party in mind, but I was wasted, and it was only 10 o’clock.  I passed out, and woke up on my front lawn at 4 in the morning spooning the keg, and wishing it were a girl.  Story of my life.

- justin v

Dear Hot Brunette Girl at Key Bar,

So, hey, how are you?  Last night was crazy fun. Yah, so, I’m really sorry but I sorta stole your i-phone.  I thought I could re-program it or sell it, but that’s not the case.  So, I thought maybe we could get together some time and I could give your phone back.  Do you like Justine’s?  It’s really good French food, you mentioned French food in some of your texts.  It seems like we have a lot in common.  Email me at  I think we would have a really fun time, oh, and you’ll get your phone back, which I’m really sorry about.  ;)

- jarron

Dear Shaun,

I have had your blue and white polo oxford for the past three years.  It is my favorite shirt. Sorry I lied and sorry that you will never get it back.  It’s called adverse possession. Google it.

- Trey

To the NM Crew,

I’m sorry I brought that hooker up to the room in Vegas and got all our shit stolen.  She wasn’t even even one of those hot vegas hookers.  I guess that’s what you get when all you have to offer is 15 bucks and a line of coke.

- Erich E

Dear Resident of 10th street,

I stole your Shinerbock Cooler.  Sorry… that cooler is too fucking awesome for me not to own.

- Anonymous

To the third grade version of David Lewis,

I stole your brass pog slammer in 3rd grade.  You cried, but I still kept it.  Srry.

- Shaun