Jacob,

Last winter, I got super high and ate the cupcakes your girlfriend brought over.  I then woke up to find cupcake frosting all over the couch, which is also yours.  I then went into my room, passed out, and got up to leave for Christmas vacation.  To this day I deny any cupcake eating, or couch frosting had anything to do with me.  I am a sweet-toothed high selfish bastard, and I know it.  Srsly sorry.

- your old roomy

Dear Weed,

Srsly sorry, I love you, but I’m not “in love” with you.  There will be a day when we can come together again, but for now I gotta get sh*t done and not forget every other sentence I have.

- anony-stoner

Dear 4/20,

Sorry that I am a fully fledged adult now, and I have “responsibilities” like paying the rent, keeping my job, and feeding a kid, so I can no longer partake in your festivities…. Miss ya, always and forever!

- anonymous

Dear Boss,

You are a good Christian man, and I don’t think you know what 4/20 is. Welp, I’m a good Christian man too, but I just lied to you, told you I was sick, and now I’m at home “celebrating” this most joyous of days.  Srsly sorry.

- high employee

Dear Brady,

Sorry about that time in college when we got pulled over on the way home from Spring Break and in a panic we had you eat the entire bag of weed, that you had paid for in the first place. The cop didn’t seem to notice or car that we were all stoned, especially you at that point.  Sorry that in our paranoid state, we didn’t want to pull the car over and you were so super stoned that you had throw up out the car window going 70 mph for like 30 minuted.  Oh memories.

- your pals

Dear Mom, sorry I had you drop me off to spend the night at my best friend’s house Monday night knowing I’d be getting high for the first time. And you know what? I had one of the best times ever. It was so funny. Seriously. I wish I had known sooner it would be that hilarious. I’m almost 19 and I haven’t really done any “bad” stuff so far. Hell, I’m still a virgin. I have to live a little, you know? P.S. to my best friend, sorry I puked after I took that second big hit and scared you half to death.

- high as a kite

Seriously sorry to all of my loved ones but I am seriously considering suicide at this point. I mean this is the first 4/20  since I started smoking where I’ll be sober. What kind of self respecting stoner is going to be able to remember tomorrow? Man probation’s a bitch.

- the sober smoker

Dear wanna be drug dealer,
Remember the party in high school where the cops came and you stashed your shitty weed you were selling in my hallway closet? You couldn’t find all the bags cause your stoned ass THREW the bags separately and some got stuck inside the door hinge.  I only found them cause my whole hallway smelled like weed, BAD.  I said I flushed the 2 bags I found cause I was pissed, but srsly sorry cause I just ended up smoking it with my friends…oh and you.  You didn’t even know it was yours dumbass.

- free weed tastes better

Dear Fellow Traveler from Australia,

We were sharing a hostel in Amsterdam last year. You were asleep, I was wasted, and I needed more money for some continued international debauchery. I never thought of myself as a stealing man, but that night I stole 50 Euros from your locker.  Not sure if this makes you feel better or worse, but I went straight to the red-light district and spent that 50 on hookers and weed.  Sorry, but at least it went to a good cause.

- anonymous

Kids,

Now that you are young adults and semi-responsible, you should know, drugs are awesome.  When I was younger I experimented with almost everything.  LSD, coke, weed, etc.  Ecstasy is amazing.  Sorry for waiting so long to tell you this, but, if you haven’t already,  you should really do some experimenting.

- Mom of 22 years

Dear Joey and Brian,

I’m sorry I got so stoned that I passed out while standing up at your house.  Your floor was surprisingly comfortable until I realized it was a floor.

- Rob