Dear Business Partner,

Taking a plea deal for being involved in a child porn distribution ring is not something you can brush off.  Thanks for wasting a year of my life and destroying our legitimate business by changing your name and hiding all that information from me.  There are some things in life you just can’t escape from, kiddie porn is one of those things.  Sorry we had to have security escort you out of the building, kicking and screaming.  I am mostly srsly sorry to myself for not doing a more thorough background check…. Kiddie porn ruins lives.

- your old business partner

Awful Clients,

You came to me because I do something better than you can do it, right?  Srsly sorry, but every time you try to micro-manage me, knit-pick my work, change everything I’ve done even though you don’t know what you are doing, or call me at 9 am on a Sunday, an hour gets added to my invoice.  I think I deserve it just for putting up with you.

- anonymous designer-chick

Dear co-workers,
I’m seriously sorry to let you know that I have been screwing one of our fellow co-worker in the office, also I’m sorry that you guys still eat on the table that has supported my bare ass in one of our many positions, also sorry for the stains on the very comfy chair, I like to sometimes be on top. Also, sorry that you guys all still believe I’m a virgin, but I’m eighteen, come on, how many eighteen year old virgins do you know! And I guess this sorry is for the times to cum, haha pun intended, but I’m not about to stop my needs at the office for your sanitary needs. But seriously guys, sorry!:)

- your friendly co-worker

Dear Residents of 604 C, Burnett,

I work for the moving company you hired. Seriously sorry that I was really hungover last week, and I accidentally dropped a couple of boxes labeled fragile, and a managed to totally ding up your dresser.  I guess you could say I don’t really give a f*&^ about my job.

- Your Mover

Dear Boss,

Srsly sorry that I will be denying your request to be my facebook friend.  We can be friends in real life, but I can’t give you access to all my FB activity because you would soon realize that I only do about 3 hours of work a day, while the rest is used for FB and other web surfing fun.

- Jacob

Dear Jen from work,

I am Seriously Sorry I stare at your wonderfully plump bubble butt at work everyday.  Your long trips up the hallway (apple bottom jiggling all the way) are my favorite.  I just want to bend you over and experience it for my self.

- Big Butt Lover

Dear Office-Mate,

Srsly sorry that you are so out of shape that you wheeze and puff even while sitting at a computer. Sorry that we all call you Wheezy when you’re not around, but really, your constant hacking and wheezing every day makes me want to rip my skin from my flesh.  Srsly.

- your co-worker

Dear Overly Manly Co-worker
Remember the other day when your dad came in to have a beer with you, and you broke down crying, “You were never there for me when I was a kid”? I was hiding my face, laughing like crazy about your b*tch boy daddy issues. Srsly sorry that your cock and balls were replaced with a huge gaping vagina.

- satisfied co-worker

I never turn on the fan when I leave the bathroom after taking a poo. I find it hilarious to watch my coworkers cringe when they have to take a dump right after me.  Srsly Sorry.

- anonymous

Dear Client,

I was totally unprepared for our meeting. Sorry that you had no idea, you are paying me for this, and I totally made up everything I just said.

- anonymous

Dear Boss,

Srsly sorry that when I came into work the other morning feeling really “sick,” I should have said really hungover.  Actually, I was still drunk.

- Sherri

Dear potential employees,

Seriously sorry that when I choose who I am gonna hire, I always choose the more attractive person.

- Your New Boss

Dear Client,

I have to fess up, I always tack on an extra hour or two when I invoice you. I guess that’s considered bad ethics, but hey, a girl’s gotta eat!  Srsly Sorry.

- You hired me

Dear Kevin,

Sorry that your dream of being a master beer brewer didn’t work out.  Hmmm, who woulda guessed that a dude with no brewing experience,  very little money, and coke habit would fail at something like that… not me!

- jenny

Dear Work Guy,

Sorry, but just because I email you making sure you haven’t slit your wrists, doesn’t mean I want to get back in your pants again. Stop being a bitch and just be f#$%ing normal for god’s sake.

- anonymous