Dear Boss,

You’re out of town until Monday, it is 11 am, and I just poured my third mimosa. Here comes a productive Wednesday!

- Jenn

My co-worker,

I’m sorry that, sometimes when I’m working on my own in the office, I rub my d*ck on the nozzle of your water bottle. And I’m sorry I’m going to keep doing it.

- A Colleague

Dear Boss,

I’m sorry that I coughed up a phlegm loogie in your coffee this morning. You think that you are some wise mentor bringing me wisdom from up on high. Really, I think that you are a stuck-up b*tch with an overblown sense of your own importance. Enjoy my head cold!

- Your overworked assistant

Dear Boss,
I am apologizing in advance for kicking your @$$-faced son in the nutsack.  He is a freaky little pervert and shouldn’t even be allowed to breathe.  It’s one thing to causally hit on an older woman, but a completely different one to whack-off under the desk while she is there.

- your very angry employee

Dear People-who-tell-me-to-get-a-job,

I know you think that you’re doing me a favor every time you bring up my unemployment like it’s something bad or undesirable – but you’re not.  Sorry that I love watching television, reading romance novels and eating all day long. Forget that all my friends have forgotten to talk to me in weeks, I’d rather watch re-runs of the Nanny and eat bacon alllll day long. Yeah.

- anonymous

Dear Fast Food Hottie,
I’m sorry you work at McDonalds… I see you every morning when I get breakfast and I think you are entirely too hot to be working there. Oh, and I’m sorry again for not asking you out, but seriously chick… you work at McDonald’s.

- Sam Heights

Dear Mike,

Sorry I, instead of picking you, promoted a compulsively lying, molesting, hideously ugly troll to a position he was unfit to do and that even after I was forced to fire him for sexual harassment, decided to ignore that you are incredibly overqualified for where you are now.

- your boss