Dear co-workers,
I’m seriously sorry to let you know that I have been screwing one of our fellow co-worker in the office, also I’m sorry that you guys still eat on the table that has supported my bare ass in one of our many positions, also sorry for the stains on the very comfy chair, I like to sometimes be on top. Also, sorry that you guys all still believe I’m a virgin, but I’m eighteen, come on, how many eighteen year old virgins do you know! And I guess this sorry is for the times to cum, haha pun intended, but I’m not about to stop my needs at the office for your sanitary needs. But seriously guys, sorry!:)

- your friendly co-worker

Dear Obnoxious Religious People,

Sorry that your only joy around this time of year seems to come from lecturing people about how Christmas is all about Jesus. Asking if my kids are “saved” and then telling me they’re going to hell for not being saved, made me want to punch the crap out of you. Not cool.

- Athiest Mama

Dear stray cat we didn’t take in,
Srsly sorry we didnt bring you into our house 3 Christmases ago. We only had room for one and your cute little friend was much nicer. Sorry all you could do was look through the window and give us all the “Death Stare” while we fed and pampered her. Srsly sorry that the next week you were dead on the road!! :(

- anonymous

Dear Overly Manly Co-worker
Remember the other day when your dad came in to have a beer with you, and you broke down crying, “You were never there for me when I was a kid”? I was hiding my face, laughing like crazy about your b*tch boy daddy issues. Srsly sorry that your cock and balls were replaced with a huge gaping vagina.

- satisfied co-worker

Dear Black People in America,

I am terribly sorry that you were subjugated, treated unfairly, and owned as slaves. That being said, no one alive is guilty of owning slaves. The most racist people I have ever seen in my modern day life have been black, not white. Seriously sorry, but get over it and let’s all move on.

- white people

Dear Arts and Sciences Students,
Yes, I am an Education major. No, that does not mean I color in coloring books for homework or babysit children during classes.. I am srsly sorry that I only have 3 classes a week and 4 day weekends every weekend. I am also srsly srry that you work “so hard” doing your assignments for your “difficult” classes, and that you have 5 finals, when I don’t have any!  Also, while I’m at it, srsly sorry that I will likely have a career 8 years before you will (because a you’ll need more than just a bachelor’s degree to get a job). Oh yeah! I’m also srsly sorry that I’ll have a way happier and more interesting life than you will, including paid summers!  After you give up on your 8 years of school, you’re probably just going to settle for a low-wage cubicle job anyways. Come to think of it. I don’t think I’m that sorry…

- Miss E

Dear all the males on this site,

I’m sorry you are all so sexist and immature. Your balls shall drop some day.

- females

Nikkie,
Sorry I had sex with you, then went upstairs and had sex with my little brothers friend, then went back and had sex with you again, then made you take us to my job at 3 in the morning so my “boyfriend” could make us food. Wow,  zannys are a crazy drug.  Sorry that I don’t remember half of it.

- Morgan

Dear Vampire Fans,
Sorry I ruined an entire genre.

- Stephanie Meyer

Kids,

Now that you are young adults and semi-responsible, you should know, drugs are awesome.  When I was younger I experimented with almost everything.  LSD, coke, weed, etc.  Ecstasy is amazing.  Sorry for waiting so long to tell you this, but, if you haven’t already,  you should really do some experimenting.

- Mom of 22 years

Dear wife,

We found out about, and met, my younger, half-sister just recently. Because we’re related, nobody is suspicious of how ‘close’ we’ve gotten. Hint, we are much closer than is appropriate. Srsly sorry, but we’re not going to stop, even though we’ve tried.

- Not really a redneck

To all the kids in the Galaxy theater, Dallas TX, at Finding Nemo in 2003,

While you were enjoying a classic family film, I was getting a BJ in the back row.  Sorta messed up, sorta awesome, sorta sorry.

- Charles K

Dear New Orleans,

Why you decided to build an entire city under sea level, I’ll never know… So, I guess this is long over due, and I guess I’m sorry? But I mean, I’m a hurricane, I was just being me. Oops.

- Hurricane Katrina

Dear Jews,

Soooooooooooooooooooooo, what happened, happened………  But I’m really not that kind of guy. I don’t know how things got so out of hand.  I guess I was just mad because you didn’t like the pork sandwich I made you.  I mean verdammen!. It’s the king of meats!  Es tut mir leid.  Srry.

- Adolf

Bryan,

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you it was my time of the month before we hooked up.  I was really horny, and I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal.  Personally, I think you’re being kinda a pussy about the whole thing, but ok, sorry I intentionally chili-dogged you.

- Anonymous