Dear Weed,

Srsly sorry, I love you, but I’m not “in love” with you.  There will be a day when we can come together again, but for now I gotta get sh*t done and not forget every other sentence I have.

- anony-stoner

Dear Girlfriend,

Srsly sorry that summer is creeping in.  I mean, summer’s great and all, but I know in the back of your mind all you think about is that fact that you have to deal with my super sweaty summer balls again.  Don’t worry, my dry and sweet smelling winter balls will be back again someday.

- anonymous

Dear Feminists,

Srsly sorry, but you’ve ruined a good thing.  If things go any further, you won’t have any meals paid for, your car doors will go unopened, and you wont get laid because of that nasty bush you refuse to trim.  You’ve done this to yourselves.

- old fashioned man

Sorry Jesus,

The first time I ever had a BJ was behind the youth church building, after a youth service, with two girls I just had bible study with.  Was this just your way of getting me to go back to church?  It worked.

- a sinner?

Dear Vegan Food,

Ever since I started eating you, my farts have been awful, I mean, worse than dog farts. Srsly sorry, but I don’t think you are worth it.

- anonymous

Dear hot TSA employee at DFW Airport,

Srsly sorry if you noticed, but I definitely got a little boner when you pulled me aside to do the manual pat down.  I didn’t even think they did those anymore, or that there were really hot airport employees, but from now on I will be lining up in the security line you are in.

- anonymous flyer

Dear Adam,

Srsly sorry that I made out with your twin brother Matt, the weekend after I made out with you. The thing is, he’s just as hot as you, but he happens to play the violin, but not the nerdy violin, the cool “i’m in a folk band” violin.  Yeah, srsly sorry.  What can I say, violins get me hot.

- twin lover

Dear Facebook Poke,

Srsly sorry that you aren’t real.  I have been poking the sh*t out of every hot girl I can find, but nothing ever happens.

- anonyguy

Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Srsly sorry but, when I said I would give you 40 virgins when you died, I didn’t mention why they were virgins. If you are wondering why you are now surrounded by 40 fat, ugly, and nagging virgins in the afterlife, it’s because you are in Hell, you mass murdering asshole.

- GOD

Dear Hot Chicks at the Pool,

Sorry about my backne (that’s back + acne).  I don’t wanna sound lame, but I totally saw you checking me out… from the front.  Then I bent down to get me towel, and I was thinking about saying hi to you, but I saw your face and the awkward pause when you knew that I saw the expression you made.  Srsly, sorry about my disgusting backne.

- anonymous

Dear American People,

Sorry it took me so long to get you my birth certificate, I was a little busy, oh ya know, killing Osama Bin Laden.

- President Obama

Dear Al Queada,
HAHA.
That is all.

- proud americans

Dear Ellie,
Sorry about driving to pick you up from your friends house blacked out. Four xanax bars and Patron will do that to you. It may be irresponsible to pick your sister up in that condition but I was about to hook up with someone and you wouldn’t even take the wheel. So where’s your apology?

- blacked out brother

Dear Srsly Sorry,

Srsly sorry, but if you don’t update this website more often, I’m gonna have to start my own website called Absolutely Apologetic. Srsly. JK.

- a fan

Dear My boyfriends Balls,
Cosmo gave me a few tips on how to pleasure you, some tips I bet you’d really like. But, I’m srsly sorry cuz I just can’t get over the idea of your moist, hairy, veiny, brainy looking bits anywhere near me. I may be the only only straight girl ever with a ball-phobia.

- The girl