Dear Samwise,
I am so sorry I didn’t tell you in the Shire, but I lust for your impish body and always have. When we finish our quest to return this over-sized cockring to that throbbing volcano, do you think that we can go on a cruise together? Perhaps, to the north where they will have sea-food? I do love me a nice shrimp buffet.

- Love always, Frodo

Dear Karl,
I’m sorry that when we were in elementary school we used to lure you to the top of the tire playground pyramid and throw you off.  We only meant to break your collar bone. Unfortunately, that one time, we also broke your foot…… and your spirit, and your heart.

- Dan K

Dear random hookup,
Seriously sorry that I freaked out when we were in your car making out and I made you take me home. It creeped me out because you introduced me to your boner waaaaaaay too fast. You also used too much teeth when you kissed me and I felt like you were scraping the skin off my upper lip

- anonymous

Dear little bro,

Sorry that I used to pin you down and fart on your head.

- big brother

Dear Face,

Srsly sorry for the broken nose, and black eyes.  I should know better than to run down pitch black hallways when drunk.  Wall > Face =  Ouch.

- Sarah P.

Dear Australian Beauty,

I am srsly sorry that I gave you a fake number, and a fake name that night last summer.  But thank God I did because the condom broke, and I didn’t want to be around to see what the outcome of that was.  Score 1 for international alias’s, score 0 for girls who pull one night stands with international travelers.

- B.K.

Dear Humans,

Srsly sorry, but I’m starting the countdown.  Yup, you heard me.  I’ve grown sick of you, and like a nerd on the playground that get’s made fun of all the time, I’m about to snap and go apeshit.  I can only take you raping and pillaging me for so long…

- The Earth

Dear Drugs,

Srsly sorry that the governments of the world think they are strong enough to contain you. Fact of the matter is, I like you, and I like doing you, and I’m not gonna stop.  Actually, I think most people feel the same way.  We really ought to legalize you, all of you, and then put a fraction of what we would have spent on fighting you, into rehab and educational services…. but that will never happen.  Srsly sorry that you are so oppressed, when in reality you could do a lot of good for people.

- A User

Dear Husband,
I’m sorry that I married your penis, not you.

- Your "not-so loving" wife

Dear family,
Sorry but yes, that monster in the loo is mine. Sorry especially to my older brother for pinning it on you, but seriously, no one would believe a girl is capable of something so massive. Also sorry to my butt, you’re such a trooper for getting through that!

- I blame the anemia...

Dear Tessa,
Seriously sorry that ever since you moved here I’ve only been showing you around and hanging out with you because your brother is hot. For the past 2 months every time I sleep over I’ve been sneaking out of your room and making out with him. Once again seriously sorry but he’s really hot.

- your friend

Dear Rich,
Srsly sorry that every time we shower together I pee when your eyes are closed, while you are washing your hair. Can’t wait for the wedding!

- your fiance

Dear Brandon,

I walked in your girlfriend naked, she had just gotten out of the shower.  It was an accident, no big deal, but I’m sorry for continually wacking off while thinking of that sight.  Srsly sorry.

- J

Dear ‘Joe’,
Srsly Sorry you think we actually want to date you either. Dating websites are an easy way to get laid without getting a reputation.

- Girls on Dating websites

Dear Girlfriend,

You know how your puppy is afraid of men?  Well, she’s not actually afraid of all men, she’s just afraid of me… I kinda sorta accidentally kicked her really hard in the face.  I took her to the park and was playing around trying to kick a ball and I missed and literally got her square in the face with a full force leg kick.  Ever since she has been deathly afraid of me.So, I am srsly sorry I punted your puppy in the face.

- your boyfriend