Srsly sorry that I didn’t tell you I was on my period and you went down on me. I got caught up in the moment, but I think you over reacted. It’s just a little white string.
Srsly sorry about that time I left those deviled eggs in your backseat after the Thanksgiving party. Then the eggs apparently got stuck under the seat, and your car now has a forever scent of deviled ass. Srsly Sorry about that.
I cheated on you, with a man. I think I’m finding out who I really am. Srsly sorry.
- Shaun L
Dear Little Kid at the Elementary School Playground,
Years ago, when I was about 12, I went the playground right by my house to practice my chipping and sand shots. Srsly sorry to the little kid playing with his friends on the other side of the playground. I totally bladed the golf ball, on accident, and sent a screaming line drive right into your back. Thank God your parents weren’t there, or else they might have killed me. Sorry little dude!
Sorry that movies make the first time you have sex look it lasts forever. Mine lasted 2 seconds, literally.
Sorry about that little pregnancy scare. I guess I was just too drunk to remember the condom. My bad.
Tonight was supposed to be fun, but we’re late getting to the bar because you’re in my kitchen arguing with your ex-boyfriend. This is awkward. It’s been 20 minutes and our friends are waiting. Will you please ditch that douche because honestly, I’m all out of advice and, by this point, it’s just ridiculous. Srsly sorry, but I’m ready to go.
- Greg Isnegt
Sorry I smashed your ‘giga-pet’ on the ground in the 4th grade, then stomped all over it. In retrospect, I think I helped you, because those things were really gay.
- brother klein
Sorry I fell and took out the stilts of the platform holding our ‘six-shooter ice luge.’ Sorry that it tumbled and shattered. I guess that’s what happens when you take a shot of different colored liquor off every run of the luge. Damn pledges should have built a sturdier platform. Srsly Sorry.
- your roommate
I woke up with your girlfriend in my bed, don’t remember anything, but there was a bottle of whip cream and a jar of pickles on the floor. Clothes were partially on. I think I should be saying srsly sorry…. but I just can’t be sure.
- Conan lover
Dear Conan O’Brien,
Sorry if you find this weird, but I fantasize about your lanky body and sexy red hair whenever me and my boyfriend have sex. Srsly, I want you.
Dear White Undershirts,
Sorry that you only last a few weeks in my closet, before I throw you out because the pit stains are too bad. I happen to have some sweaty ass pits, I mean, it’s clinical. Bet you wish you got bought by some pretty girl, not a sweaty hairy dude like me. Srsly sorry.
Dear Doctors everywhere,
Srsly sorry I don’t wear a bra or brush my teeth when I’m sick and come to see you. I usually don’t do both of those things.
Sorry we took cinder blocks and cemented them down outside all the doors of the school. Srsly though, you should have thought of senior pranks before you designed all the doors to open outward!