Your nipples are too big for my taste.  I’m sorry I wasted money on three dates…

- Jason

To Ears Everywhere,

Sorry that we have left you forever scarred.  We thought you’d like our “music”


Dear random European bar owner and random hot chick in said bar, eurotrip 2009,

I am seriously sorry that I decided to puke fat chunks into your urinal at 2am.   That must have been difficult to clean out.  Also, to random blonde chick, I am sorry that I returned to making out with you directly afterwards.

- Cody R

I got a blowski from your ex fiance.  In my defense, you were the one that initially broke off the engagement.  Also, I was in on HELL of a drought.  I want to believe that, had you known, you would be cool with me, your best friend, catching a hummer from your ex.  That being said, I am sorry that I hope you never, ever find out.

- James R


Remember that night we hooked up sophomore year?  Remember waking up in the morning in a wet yellow puddle on my bed, and me blaming it on you?  You ran out crying, super embarrassed, and I haven’t seen you since.  Well, what really happened was that I pissed the bed, and I woke up before you, switched positions with you, then blamed it all on you.  Sorry, but I got a kick out of that.

- anonymous


Sorry I cock-blocked you last night.  Everyone knows you don’t really have herpes.

- Scott

I sharted in my pants at your house. I’m sorry I put it in your Grandma’s dirty clothes without doing anything to it. I was embarrassed.

- Madison

Turns out that condoms DO break, kids ARE expensive, drinking does NOT make parenting easier, and three-month-old twins CAN NOT survive on KFC alone.  Also, I plan on reupholstering your chair soon.  The kids are having trouble keeping down the Double Downs.  Srry I never listened.

- Brock

Dear Pompeii,  My bad.

Sincerely,  M.V.

- Mount Vesuvius

Dear Mom,

I‘m sorry I texted you that I wanted to “do you in the a** like I did last weekend at Johnny B’s party.”  I promise to never date anyone with the same name as you ever again.

- Brandon M

Dear Ross’s Sex Life,

Things are about to hit the skids.  Sorry, but I have a job to do here.

- Ross's Bald Spot


Sorry about my “mis-step” last night, but, frankly, you care about your Egyptian cotton sheets way too much.

- Terry R


I woke up spooning your dog, on your back porch….  Sorry to your dog?

- Jarron

Spring Break Girl, I think from Alabama, but maybe not.

I ran out on you after we hooked up, that was a given.  It was spring break.  I told you I would call you, but I didn’t.  Of course I wasn’t gonna call.  I stole a bottle of vodka when I ran out.  That’s sorta messed up.  But I’m not really sorry about any of it, except I am kinda sorry that I may have given you crabs.  That sucks.

- jerry c

I f***ing hate recycling.  Sorry Earth.

- anonymous