Jaqueline,

Your nipples are too big for my taste.  I’m sorry I wasted money on three dates…

- Jason

To Ears Everywhere,

Sorry that we have left you forever scarred.  We thought you’d like our “music”

- CREED

Dear random European bar owner and random hot chick in said bar, eurotrip 2009,

I am seriously sorry that I decided to puke fat chunks into your urinal at 2am.   That must have been difficult to clean out.  Also, to random blonde chick, I am sorry that I returned to making out with you directly afterwards.

- Cody R

Evan,
I got a blowski from your ex fiance.  In my defense, you were the one that initially broke off the engagement.  Also, I was in on HELL of a drought.  I want to believe that, had you known, you would be cool with me, your best friend, catching a hummer from your ex.  That being said, I am sorry that I hope you never, ever find out.

- James R

Kimmy,

Remember that night we hooked up sophomore year?  Remember waking up in the morning in a wet yellow puddle on my bed, and me blaming it on you?  You ran out crying, super embarrassed, and I haven’t seen you since.  Well, what really happened was that I pissed the bed, and I woke up before you, switched positions with you, then blamed it all on you.  Sorry, but I got a kick out of that.

- anonymous

Cody,

Sorry I cock-blocked you last night.  Everyone knows you don’t really have herpes.

- Scott

Halley,
I sharted in my pants at your house. I’m sorry I put it in your Grandma’s dirty clothes without doing anything to it. I was embarrassed.

- Madison

Mom,
Turns out that condoms DO break, kids ARE expensive, drinking does NOT make parenting easier, and three-month-old twins CAN NOT survive on KFC alone.  Also, I plan on reupholstering your chair soon.  The kids are having trouble keeping down the Double Downs.  Srry I never listened.

- Brock

Dear Pompeii,  My bad.

Sincerely,  M.V.

- Mount Vesuvius

Dear Mom,

I‘m sorry I texted you that I wanted to “do you in the a** like I did last weekend at Johnny B’s party.”  I promise to never date anyone with the same name as you ever again.

- Brandon M

Dear Ross’s Sex Life,

Things are about to hit the skids.  Sorry, but I have a job to do here.

- Ross's Bald Spot

Christy,

Sorry about my “mis-step” last night, but, frankly, you care about your Egyptian cotton sheets way too much.

- Terry R

Dude,

I woke up spooning your dog, on your back porch….  Sorry to your dog?

- Jarron

Spring Break Girl, I think from Alabama, but maybe not.

I ran out on you after we hooked up, that was a given.  It was spring break.  I told you I would call you, but I didn’t.  Of course I wasn’t gonna call.  I stole a bottle of vodka when I ran out.  That’s sorta messed up.  But I’m not really sorry about any of it, except I am kinda sorry that I may have given you crabs.  That sucks.

- jerry c

I f***ing hate recycling.  Sorry Earth.

- anonymous