Your nipples are too big for my taste. I’m sorry I wasted money on three dates…
To Ears Everywhere,
Sorry that we have left you forever scarred. We thought you’d like our “music”
- Cody R
Dear random European bar owner and random hot chick in said bar, eurotrip 2009,
I am seriously sorry that I decided to puke fat chunks into your urinal at 2am. That must have been difficult to clean out. Also, to random blonde chick, I am sorry that I returned to making out with you directly afterwards.
- James R
I got a blowski from your ex fiance. In my defense, you were the one that initially broke off the engagement. Also, I was in on HELL of a drought. I want to believe that, had you known, you would be cool with me, your best friend, catching a hummer from your ex. That being said, I am sorry that I hope you never, ever find out.
Remember that night we hooked up sophomore year? Remember waking up in the morning in a wet yellow puddle on my bed, and me blaming it on you? You ran out crying, super embarrassed, and I haven’t seen you since. Well, what really happened was that I pissed the bed, and I woke up before you, switched positions with you, then blamed it all on you. Sorry, but I got a kick out of that.
Sorry I cock-blocked you last night. Everyone knows you don’t really have herpes.
I sharted in my pants at your house. I’m sorry I put it in your Grandma’s dirty clothes without doing anything to it. I was embarrassed.
Turns out that condoms DO break, kids ARE expensive, drinking does NOT make parenting easier, and three-month-old twins CAN NOT survive on KFC alone. Also, I plan on reupholstering your chair soon. The kids are having trouble keeping down the Double Downs. Srry I never listened.
- Mount Vesuvius
Dear Pompeii, My bad.
- Brandon M
I‘m sorry I texted you that I wanted to “do you in the a** like I did last weekend at Johnny B’s party.” I promise to never date anyone with the same name as you ever again.
- Ross's Bald Spot
Dear Ross’s Sex Life,
Things are about to hit the skids. Sorry, but I have a job to do here.
- Terry R
Sorry about my “mis-step” last night, but, frankly, you care about your Egyptian cotton sheets way too much.
I woke up spooning your dog, on your back porch…. Sorry to your dog?
- jerry c
Spring Break Girl, I think from Alabama, but maybe not.
I ran out on you after we hooked up, that was a given. It was spring break. I told you I would call you, but I didn’t. Of course I wasn’t gonna call. I stole a bottle of vodka when I ran out. That’s sorta messed up. But I’m not really sorry about any of it, except I am kinda sorry that I may have given you crabs. That sucks.