- Dave E
Sorry I gave your colorblind child a rubiks cube for his birthday. My bad.
Parents aren’t allowed to say this to their kids, but I have always liked your sister better. It’s not that I don’t like you. I do. I just like her… better. For that, I am sorry.
- Greg G
I used to masturbate to your playboys in your bathroom when you were at work. I’m not sorry about the masturbation, but I am sorry about getting all the pages stuck together.
- an a-hole
Dear random runner on 6th street,
My dog took a dump, I didn’t have a bag and I didn’t know what to do. You ran by, tragedy struck. I bolted from the scene. I’m an a-hole.
I have had your blue and white polo oxford for the past three years. It is my favorite shirt. Sorry I lied and sorry that you will never get it back. It’s called adverse possession. Google it.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you it was my time of the month before we hooked up. I was really horny, and I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. Personally, I think you’re being kinda a pussy about the whole thing, but ok, sorry I intentionally chili-dogged you.
- Your friend Jay
Sorry I said you looked like Roseanne Barr circa 1989. But honestly, you need to work out.
- Erich E
To the NM Crew,
I’m sorry I brought that hooker up to the room in Vegas and got all our shit stolen. She wasn’t even even one of those hot vegas hookers. I guess that’s what you get when all you have to offer is 15 bucks and a line of coke.
Dear gas station employee on 7th street, Austin TX,
Im sorry your life blows, but you don’t have to ridicule my boyfriend for buying “snug fit” condoms. I like it better anyways, you suck.
- Paul M
I thought we had reached a good farting point. Turns out, you weren’t ready for me to disclose audible farts. srsly sorry.
Sorry I assumed you were gay.
- Ginny K
I thought blue balls was a myth. Srsly srry.
- Chris P
Dear Johnny Dansizer from 6th grade, Rittman OH,
I’m the one who put poop in your pillowcase at that sleep over in 6th grade. It was my poop. srsly srry.