I fantasize about Smurfette. Sorry Papa Smurf.
Soooooooooooooooooooooo, what happened, happened……… But I’m really not that kind of guy. I don’t know how things got so out of hand. I guess I was just mad because you didn’t like the pork sandwich I made you. I mean verdammen!. It’s the king of meats! Es tut mir leid. Srry.
- Kevin Shea
I stepped on a bum shit today. It was in the alley behind my office. You can tell it’s a bum shit because it had corn in it. Great Danes don’t eat corn. That bum should be saying sorry to me. I hate bum shits.
… dude, I lost my virginity on your bed, while you were sleeping on the floor. I can’t quite remember why we were in that situation, but it’s kinda messed up. Srry.
- Jerry P
I am sorry that I called you a manatee/ sea cow in seventh grade. You already knew that you were overweight and surely did not need me comparing your relative girth to that of a huge, water-dwelling mammal. It was fucked up. Middle school is hard enough without me ruining your life. Hope your self-esteem has recovered.
I’m sorry I asked you to “Gogurt” my dick after the BJ you gave me last night. I thought you would be cool with that.
Sorry I fucked with you these last seven years. Broke your nose. Tried to Avada Kedavra you. This list seems endless. I had a lot of teen angst. Hope you understand! :) Sincerely yours.
Dear Resident of 10th street,
I stole your Shinerbock Cooler. Sorry… that cooler is too fucking awesome for me not to own.
- Charles K
To all the kids in the Galaxy theater, Dallas TX, at Finding Nemo in 2003,
While you were enjoying a classic family film, I was getting a BJ in the back row. Sorta messed up, sorta awesome, sorta sorry.
To the third grade version of David Lewis,
I stole your brass pog slammer in 3rd grade. You cried, but I still kept it. Srry.
I saw your little sisters boobs. I feel kinda weird about it cuz she’s only 14, but, honestly, she is well developed for her age. Plus, it was an accident, she doesn’t even know I saw them. I guess I’m saying srsly sorry because I masturbated to it later that day.
- Paul Hummes
I am sorry. You are a horribly dressed old man and I can’t help but be embarrassed to be seen with you. It’s the cargo shorts/tube socks… not you.
Last night, you farted on me when you were sleeping. I’m sorry about that, because I’m not really attracted to you anymore, it sux.
- Brandon K
Sorry I put a home-made poop spread in your nutella jar, and then made you a bagel. Looking back, I think I crossed the line with that one. But really, how did you not smell it before biting?