- Mary Anne
Thanks for the expensive dinner last night. Unfortunately, expensive dinners only buy BJ’s for attractive guys. Srry :(
I’m sorry you went to graphic design school.
Dear teary eyed Native Americans,
Sorry we stole your land and destroyed your culture. But hey, at least we gave you some team names! Go Chiefs!
- Chris L
I got really drunk and hardboiled your last four eggs and then ate the aforementioned eggs while I watched your premium cable. When I woke up on your couch, there were two broken dinner plates on the floor. I threw the shards away and denied any and all egg eating/plate breaking. Sorry I am a drunken bastard.
You were my eighth grade Spanish teacher. I told everyone that you were gay. I still think you are gay. But yeah, sorry I told everyone.
- Bernardo Velasquez
Mrs. Rossham from 7th grade history,
diligent boners – that’s all I got from you and your world history class. srsly not that sorry.
Owner of a newly shitty car,
I hit your ride in the parking garage. Banged the fuck out of two quarter panels. Scratched to hell and back. I backed out of the spot and parked somewhere else. No note. No contact information. Just straight dicked. Sorry I ruined your week.
Dear homeless man in Albuquerque NM, circa 2003,
I’m sorry me and friends drove up that one night and pelted you with eggs. We were assholes to the max.