Dear Mom and Dad,

Seriously sorry that I thought you couldn’t hear me when I was jacking off as a kid.  After being in the dorms, and hearing everything next door, I have a feeling you guys heard everything.  Actually, you are both partly to blame for buying a house that shared the bedroom walls with your adolescent teen.

- your horny son

Dear Angus,
I’m sorry you thought you had me in the palm of your hand and broke my heart… but I cheated on you 2 months into seeing each other, well before you saw the end of us.

- Over you

Justin R.,

I took a piss in your gas tank in highschool. I honestly don’t know if that messed your truck up or not, but you were a serious prick and deserved it.  Still, srsly sorry.

- anonymous

Dear Srsly Sorry Readership,

On the off-hand chance that you still view this site sometimes, we would like to say that we are srsly sorry for the lack of updates.  Honestly, it’s got nothing to do with you…it’s us.  First we thought we were gonna get raptured, so we said, “fuck it: let’s party.”  Turns out life goes on.  Next, our girlfriend accidentally pocket dialed us while she was having hot rough hipster sex (at least that’s how it is in our nightmares) with some d-bag.  After that we picked up and moved to the land of babes and earthquakes.  Now that we are settled in to our closet sized apartment in druggy-ville USA (aka the Tenderloin district in San Francisco) we are looking forward to sifting through submitted apologies and finding some disgustingly hilarious gems sent in from sicko’s like you and me.

- srsly sorry

Dear Brave Little Toaster,

Srsly sorry that we recycled you immediately after you showed up again in our new house.  I mean, we left you behind for a reason.  Glad you had fun in the woods though!

- your master

Dear Stupid people,
Seriously Sorry I got you to believe the rapture was coming just so you would convert to my way of thinking, turns out fear is a good motivator. Anyway if your still waiting just wait for a few years and I’ll make this prediction again. Until then keep reading your bibles kids.

- Harold Camping

Dear Julia H., Highschool, Little Rock 2001,

You threw a huge house party when your parents left town one weekend, so, naturally I was there.  Pretty much all of our friends were there and everything was awesome until I got hit with the urge to take the largest dump in my life.  So, I snuck back into your parents bathroom because I didn’t want anyone to go in the bathroom after me or walk in on me or whatever, no one wants to take a dump at a big party, but I couldn’t control it.  Anyways, I got back there and did what I needed to do.  I was finishing up and went to flush… then it happened.  The toilet clogged.  I was frantically trying to find a plunger or anything to solve the problem… then the poopy water started to back up…OMG I was freaking out.  Luckily, it didn’t overflow, but I had abandon the scene.  Srsly sorry that you probably discovered it the next day, and the had to deal with the poop clogged toilet I left behind.

- Jayden

Dear Cleaning Lady,
Srsly sorry I completely forgot that I left my vibratior under my pillow. It mustve given you a bit of a shock when you went to make my bed. Srsly sorry, but you didn’t have to touch/move it. Thats a bit weird…

- anon

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
Srsly sorry when the floods happened in Queensland earlier this year I kinda wished you had been swept away, or at least that your car had been. Srsly sorry when you emailed me to tell me you were fine. I would have rather kept my little fantasy.

- C

Dear Fiancee,

I cheated on you in Las Vegas a few months ago.  She was this super cute girl who was probably rolling, and I was rolling too and it was just a terrible mistake and I feel really bad about it.  Worst part is, I think I have some kind of STD because I have the itch and weird marks.  If you were wondering why I have been resisting sex or only doing it in the dark, that’s the reason.  So, now that I’ve fessed up anonymously on here, how do I tell you?

- anonymous

Dear Dad,

Sorry that every time I take a dump, my doggie-dick-lipstick comes shooting out only to embarrass you in public. It just feels so good…

- Dillinger (your Dog)

Jimmy,

This is long overdue.  I stole your little brothers pet turtle when we were kids and let him loose in the woods behind the house.  At the time I thought I was helping him by  setting him free, but now I realize that he probably died within a few hours of being out in the wilderness.  Anyways, sorry I let you take the blame, and you were grounded even though you rightfully denied doing anything.  And sorry that your little bro’s turtle probably ended up as some creatures dinner that night.

- Justin K

Dear girlfriend,

Srsly sorry I farted when you shoved your tongue up my a**hole mid-blowjob…. It felt great, but I was just too surprised to contain the fart.

- your flatulent boyfriend

Dear Boyfriend,

Srsly sorry, but your pubes are out-of-control.  Sorry but, there comes a point when a girls just gotta say no.  Trimming downstairs isn’t just meant for girls…

- heart you - GF

Dear Nutsack,

Srsly sorry that I tried to do the impossible and shave you the other day.  I hope all the nicks and cuts heal up soon!

- nuttyanonomous